Sex Pests, Flashing and Iced Buns

This Weeks at the Mad House!!

Its funny the things you find out about your siblings when you grow up. I never knew my little sister (the one with the issues) couldn't swim until I pushed her in the river when we were on holiday. What she didn't know was that I can't either. Well not in the deep end. Hard Luck!

Mines Mr Husband has been banned from Tesco too now. Since I been banned for various things I gave him the list to do the shopping. He was doing all right until he got to flash (in the cleaning aisle). He thought it was an instruction. Feckin eejit. He would have got away with it an' all if that old lady hadn't just been to specsavers and picked up her new bi focal variables...............And I still have no bathroom cleaner!

I read that sex empties our mind and increases our inner energy. Really? Well I suppose when us girls finish planning the next days meals and writing the shopping list its possible...... And as for inner energy I have already been told off saying leave me to sleep in the after math. Mines Mr Husband says 'it's the after glow, not the after math'. I said to him 'I know what I mean. At our age it's definitely aftermath.'

I was across the bedroom this morning and mines Mr Husband says 'Iced Bun?' I thought mmm where has got iced buns from this early hour and he knows I am partial to an iced bun. 'Bit early' I replied. 'What for?' he asked. 'Iced Buns' I said. 'Also cruel because you know I love Iced Buns and that I can't have them for I am Lack Toast and Tolerant'. He rolled the floor with laughter and then said ' Oh my little fruit cake- it was a compliment- I said Nice Bum'. I felt stupid. Then he said 'Stop feeling me and help me up off this floor'.

I dreamt I bought a birthday card and when I got it home it said ' Happy Birthday, well done on getting this far in life without having half your leg bitten off by a crocodile'. Mines Mr Husband said it will only do for a niche market will that. I haven't decided who to give it to yet.

I wish Facebook would stopping asking me to like Michael McIntyre. I can't. I just can't. I have tried but his voice gets on my tits. I would also like to like Kevin Bridges but I truly can't understand a man the word says. Leave me a feckin lone!!

I read A sex pest has been banned from sitting next to women in public. I never sit next to women in public- cheek of it.

Finally much chuffed, my first book is on the way to being finished for publication-the three little pigs (for adults). You heard it here first my friends- you are my inspiration.

Oh and one more finally, mines Mr Husband is taking me on an adventure today. It better be happier than the last. He had a face like a long wet weekend in Margate. It's no pleasure for a girl when her Mr Husband doesn't want to join in the adventure. I am not taking him to the graveyard again- not until he is at least deaded.x

Think I may start designing and selling my own birthday cards!