So you can get hands free vibrators now. So what to do with
your hands I wondered? I gave this some considerable thought because it didn't
take much energy. Then I realised I can have a sandwich or get on with me
knitting. Perhaps do the shopping list or even the shopping- especially now you
can order it all online. Could be really useful this new hands free kit. Multi
tasking at its best. Ordered one. Will have to let you know how I get on with
that.
In Sagas problem page (yes I do occasionally inherit the odd
saga magazine on account of mines mother being old enough to have a saga
subscription- well I am too but I am too mean)- some old fella complains : ‘I
am 85 and started suffering from Erectile Dysfunction. What is wrong with me?’-
Well I think the answer is in the first three words of your question mate. You
are 85 and lucky to have been keeping it up thus far. I will send you two lolly
sticks and a bag of elastic bands (of the ribbed variety). Keep your pecker up
or take up gardening. Or get your wife a nifty bit of hands free kit (see
above) and ask if you can watch!
Apparently Irises are greedy things. So my advice is if you
know an Iris, don’t invite her to tea.
Did some exercise this week- but mines Mr Husband said running
late isn’t classed as exercise. Then I started Yoga but again mines Mr Husband
chipped in with ‘getting in that funny position you do when cutting your in growing
toenail is not Yoga’.
In this weeks Woman’s Weekly (well a few weeks ago given the
late stage that I inherited it) titles included ‘Solo Suppers’ (back to the
hands free vibrator and a sandwich I guess) and ‘Keeping it (your bush)
evergreen’, (nah- does not appeal, although I once knew a woman who regular had
hers dyed pink and shaped like a heart- and then made a point of telling all
the men in the neighbourhood). ‘Cute Baby Patterns’ (I’ve picked two babies I
would like to knit- well now I am a) over the hill and b) wombless I cannot go
reproducing in the conventional manner- knitting a couple seems idea- maybe at
the same time as I am using the hands free kit- strange kind of irony there!)
Then when I fed up with them I can unpick them and knit a nice jumper for mines
Mr Husband.
I read you can lead a cow upstairs- I have given this a go-
I don’t think the farmer over the back has missed it yet, I did only take a
small cow on the basis that I only have a small cottage. It is working well
because I now have milk to go in my tea on a morning- well if one gets the one
cup maker for the bedroom one needs milk. I am getting fed up with shovelling
cow shit out of the window every morning but on the plus side in the winter it
will be nice to put my cold feet into something warm. If ever it wants to go
back to the field I will be at a loss cos you can’t lead a cow downstairs.
You cannot eat wild crocodile. I’ll say not- who’s going to
wrestle with a wild crocodile in the hope of getting a bite!! And locusts and
crickets roasted in a hot oven make a nice snack much like pork scratchings-
but with legs! Doesn’t appeal to me I must say.
Given up wearing knickers- they only end up sideways and
back to front then. Inside out is the least of my problems when they are on
sideways.
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