MONDAY -Yesterday I
took Mines Mr Husband to the garden centre for fathers day. I bought him some
food for my bush. He was quite excited. In fact he was so excited, that whilst
were browsing bushes he farted. One almighty rip roaring fart. He be a dirty
fecker. I can't take him anywhere. It was sooo mighty, I kid ye not, he shot a
little blackbird behind him. Peoples all round the garden centre laid down on
the floor. Some were shouting'he got a gun, he got a gun- he is a terrorist'. I
said 'be calm my friends, (I can call them that ..........now!) tis only Mines
Mr Husband backfiring. His baffles have gone- he needs a new silencer (yes guys
we need more gorilla glue!)- steady yer nerves and give it an hour or two
before ye browses the bushes'. The
garden centre rang last night with a bill for all the dead plants and koi carp.
So shall have to wear a disguise next time we go there!
TUESDAY -Yesterday we
visited mines muvver and mines favver. T'was pissing down. And they live in the
middle of the countryside. T'was not a nice drive. But I was havin a nice
sing-along with Beth and Elvis when
suddenly out of the bushes either side of the main road jumps two old peoples
with signs saying 'VOTE LEAVE'. 'For
feck sake ye pair of eejits I shouts. Ye nearly gave Elvis heart attack'. When
we came back they had gone. They had left. On the plus side Mines Mr Husband
got a new pair of a shoes and a nice rain hat and I got a new walking stick.
WEDNESDAY - We didn't
have Wednesday this week. Thats how we roll in this part of the world.
Sometimes we miss complete days out!
THURSDAY-Well we been and done the voting
thingy. Before I went I read the rules 'Political
clothing in relation to the vote, such as a t-shirt saying 'Vote Leave' or
'Vote Remain', is not allowed as it could be deemed as intimidating.' I wanted
to wear me shirt with me mate Dave on. I paid 20squids for to go to his party.
Anyways as it happens this no political clothing does not mean show up naked.
Who knew? You lives and learns you do! They was still cross with me and said
'thems the rules- and you have to abide by them'. I have read the rules again.
Nowhere does it say you must not go naked.
When we comes out the little man says 'how did you vote?' - I said to
him 'Don't be feckin nosey - tis secret'. He looked dejected. I showed him my
boobies and jiggled them to cheer him up. Mines Mr Husband said that the little
man was nothing to do with the voting- he was mending the road. Well who knew? You lives and learns you do!
FRIDAY-Whilst we was
at the voting thingy yesterday we had a look at what is going on in the area.
In our little corner of the world. Mines Mr Husband said ' see if there is
anything that you can get involved pickle to get ye out the house a bit'.
Didn't seem to be much to me. Not like Burnham where ye can go to the paper
aeroplane championships or to the watching paint dry championships. Or even the
tin hat society. Anyways here in Cranbook
all I could see was two things that caught my eye. There is a mother and
baby coffee morning - as opposed to adult coffee I think. I am going to go. I
need to borrow a baby. Also a fun day is on the cards with a pop up bar and
face painting. I like a bit of pop up meself.
I Also see Whimple are having a masquerade ball. It just says about wearing a mask. Yay- I can
go naked but in disguise. I don't know why I never thought of this before. Off
to buy a mask now! I always wanted one of thems.
SATURDAY -Now ye all knows I like to share a
top tit with ye. So yer is Beth's Top Tit. Well tis a recipe. Tis a recipe for Champagne Ice Cubes. What ye
do is ye gets a bottle of champagne and ye pours it into some ice cube thingymajigs
and then ye has to put it into the freezer for so long- well until they are
frozen lumps. Keep giving them a little poke. When ye finger don't be sinking
in no more then they are probably done. Ye can then add them to any drink. I
did this. My tea tastes feckin horrid. And mines Mr husband says his coffee
tastes funny. Don't try it folks. Stick to plain ol tea and coffee but not in
the same cup cos that tastes disgusting too- I found that out the hard way as
well. Serves me right for trying new stuff out and not sticking to tried and
tested methods. All this time saving stuff is crap. Anyways if ye don't have
champagne (after all we know tis only the students who can afford this- or
think they can!) ye can use vodka. (I won't- I don't like Vodka- not after that
xmas at me sisters. Nuff said). Or ye can use Gin if thee likes a drop of gin.
If ye are piss poor ye can use cheap lager. Or if ye can't afford lager- water
will do just as well.
