Monday -Phew. Just been for a swim. Well I have had a bath
with no clothes on. Same thing. Whilst I was there I realized it is Movember.
Ya know what that means don't ye? A return to feel 'em Friday and suck 'em
Saturday. Yes ye can go round feeling testicles willy nilly in the name of
saving men from themselves. Oh much excitement here now. NOTE TO SELF: must not
do it to store manager at tesco this year.
Tuesday - Apparently
calling security and getting the store emptied in Debenhams is unacceptable -
well how the feck was I supposed to know I was in the luggage department. I
only went in to browse the knickers. Apparently that's unacceptable too- called
perversion or something. Nobody wants any fun anymore.
Thursday Also -Well I be hearing ye all asking for another
of Beths Top Tips. Well I have more than one for ye today. First of all it be
bonfire doodah- although its looking a tad on the moist side to me. And so is
bonfire doodah. Pussies hate firework night. Keep your hand on your pussies,
snaffle thems real tight and keep thems safe from big bangs. Second top tip if
ye are havin a baby call it Gary
cos they be on the wane. I don't care if it be a girl- we need some Garys. And thirdly tis this- don't fart and belch at the same time.' Why ever
not?' I hear ye all ask. Well I will tell ye. Cos ye feels like ye body is
being wrenched in two directions and it makes ye feel weird. I may put that it
in my second book- 'The secret life of mines little sister (she is a nun!),
rhubarb and brain farts. Watch later, going to post a bit from me first book to
whet ye appetitties of all thems who can't be making up thems minds to buy one.
Sunday -I always
dread mines Mr Husband finishing nights because he suffers bear with sore head
days- and so do I. On the plus side I can serve him his Christmas pudding (I
know its November- but that's how we roll) with garlic mayonnaise instead of
cream and doesn't mind. Doesn't notice, doesn't mind. Same thing.
Wednesday -Mines Mr Husband has
been asking me (nicely) to let go of his testicles all the week. I tell him
it's all in the name of Movember and keeping him safe.' I am feeling for lumps',
I told him.' I found two'. Philip Schofield always tells us to feel for them in
Movember. Anyways Mines Mr Husband says
its not good to do in the supermarket, council offices or park. I did find two
lumps though. But they feel like brains to me to be fair. He says they are
supposed to be there. I am telling all of ye because now I have found them I am
not sure what I am supposed to do with them.
Thursday -Mines Mr
Husband is questioning my decision to get up early this morning and run around
the garden naked in the rain. Decision? I am not sure it was a decision- more
of an urge I would say. There was a pussy after me tits- I had to do it. What
would you have done???
Keep ye eye for me- I will be back.......................
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