Death, Twerking and Cake

I love the fact that Loose Women discussed funerals and death today because so many people think it's too taboo. Because we are getting older and because I am bi-polar we discuss such morbid stuff regularly. We did this for an hour and half the other night just before we went to sleep. Mines Mr Husband doesn't want a funeral at all. He says its a waste of money. Much like going to the dentist. Another thing he won't do. He doesn't want anyone told either- nope not no-one- unless they ask specifically. It will be like, 'how is Steve? Is he dead?' Yep- I get asked that all the time so I do. I say 'no- he is just reading. He don't be moving a lot so he don't'. So all alone, I have to get rid of the body and then carry on like nothing as happened. Then I am to cremate him- which means putting him in the toaster I think. Our toaster tends to be where we cremate most stuff. Then I can keep him in a pot near the fireplace. Which we don't have!! A fireplace- not a pot. I don't want ye all thinking we ain't even got a pot to pi*s in-or put bodies in. I told him I will take a bit of him in a little bag where-ever I go so he is always with me if he likes. I haven't decided which bit yet. Then I told him that I want a big funeral, lots of weeping and sobbing. Everyone I know is to be there. There will be reading out of letters from me to everyone- yep even the arseholes. I will tell them all straight so I will. Then I want my favourite songs- The fair's moving on by Elvis and The Comedians by Roy Orbison. With a bit of Robbie Williams thrown in. Then I want salmon on cobs like me ol' mother-in-law would have done it. With a bit of cucumber. And loads of cake. I want someone to do Wrecking Ball and a bit of twerking and I would like someone to whip me nae nae. Then I want to be a tree. I deffo want to be a tree. So, there we are, laid there before we go to sleep talking funerals. Well mine, cos he don't want one remember? Then he says 'I think ye needs a therapist me little pumpkin'. Me need a therapist? He's the one that don't be wanting a funeral. So I finally agreed to a therapist. We are currently deciding whether a therapist should sleep in my bed or have his own room. Well I am discussing it. Mines Mr Husband seems to be a little shy of the idea! I don't know why- he suggested the feckin therapist in the first place!