Well it
been a funny ol' few days. According to the Inland Revenue I do not exist. (I
know there are some who wish that- but we don't talk about them!) They sent me
a form for immigrants to fill in! What a load of Iffle Piffle whatsit
thingymajig that is. The woman at the council said they could fine me, imprison
me or deport me!!! I am opting for deportation- I am going to come clean with
them and tell them that I have come here illegally from the Seychelles and
just hope that they deport me there. I have always fancied going to the Seychelles. Before
I moved I found the original piece of paper they sent me when I was 15 yrs 9m
with my NI number on it. The one I have used all my feckin life. Mines Mr
Husband said 'Keep it safe'. I laughed. 'I have kept it all these years safe' I
tells him. 'I don't think it be will unsafe now. I will just put it back in the
same safe place'. And I did. And now I hear ye all asking 'where is the safe
place?'. Well that be what I am going to ask ye lot. Any of ye know? Cos I sure
as hell can't remember. I have turned this house upside down. On top of that I
have a whole lot of stupid questions to answer- like all the places I have
lived and worked (with dates). Well good luck to IR with getting that out of
me. I am damned if I can remember. Also two questions (in this order)that are
truly iffle piffle designed to baffle! It worked.
Details of
first marriage:
Details of
Previous marriage:
Now I am
no Carol Vorderman- details of first marriage I can do- and even of the second
but the previous one before the first one? Who are these people who write these
feckin forms?? I got a feckin headache I have from all the stuff going round in
me head. And I filled it in wrong because I cannot for the life of me work it
out. I am going to write them one of my long letters. I might pop in a little
advert for me new book. And to top it all I have to pack to go to the Seychelles.
Wonder if I should pack bath mats?
Also this
weekend the Cranbrook
newspaper thingy has arrived. Pictures of the pumpkin party that I got ejected
from all over the thing. Not one picture of the only person who turned up as a
pumpkin- ok naked painted orange with a light bulb shoved up me arse (that was
Mines Mr Husbands bright idea- his little contribution- he said I have a little
contribution to shove up yer backside- t'was worrying to say the least- then he
produced the light bulb. I know what ye are thinking- but t'was ok- t'was an
alogen bulb and eco friendly and stuff). Anyways I am disappointed to see that
I wasn't even mentioned let alone photographed so I have to write to the editor
and get this sorted. Hopefully I will be in next months paper. I think I should
at least get a mention all the effort we went to. I still got orange paint in
some of me cracks.
The car
passed the MOT - only one little light bulb needed. Cost us £1, and then £12 to
fit it. I said to mines Mr Husband- 'I have a left over alogen bulb yer ye
could have used. Still plenty of use in that- was only used for a pumpkin
party'. He could have saved us a £1. Anyways that's hims happy for another
year.
Mines Mr
Husband hasn't been well of late. He has been seeing the Doctor. This week she
took one look at me and then told him she knows what is wrong with him. 'Mr
Husband- ye are depressed and stressed and anxious'. I kid ye not that's what
she said!! She wants him to join a group. He says he will. (Think tis a ploy to
have a break from me). I can't think of a worse group to join than one thats
full of stressed and anxious and depressed people. I says to Mines Mr Husband
'don't ye be wasting time on that- if ye wants to be in a room full of people
like that I will take ye to one of our family gatherings'. Now he really is
anxious.
Well enjoy
ye Sunday folks or whatever day tis in your part of the world. If ye are having
a birthday have a drink for me and send me the cake.x
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