Ye Gods- I am tired
of this skinny bitch shower. Ye knows we have this skinny bitch house with a
skinny bitch shower cubicle. It measures just three feet by three feet ( a
metre square for you peoples born after 1990)- us oldies are better with feet
and inches. Ye know where ye are with 8 inches. (Heaven!!). Tis no good this
ere shower for cake shaped peoples like me and mines Mr Husband. We have had to
learn to do the vertical limbo to get in. There is no where to put thee shower
gel and thee shampoo. Fact. So I bought a hanging thingymajig with a hook to
hang from the shower itself. Was okish but it squealed like a nervous virgin
against the wall every time it got touched. Think blackboards and nails. I
couldn't stand it anymore. Or hang it. So I bought a new one. Very similar but
with plastic coating and added suction pads and an extra little shelfy thing to
put extra shampoos and whatnots. The downside was the shampoos and whatnots had
to lay down. Not too bad I thought. Until today when I got in the shower. It
obstructed the shower so the shower kept turning round and pointing at the
wall. I can't even begin to tell you the position I had to get into to get wet.
Then the damn shelfy thing kept moving about. So I took it off the shower and hung
it on the door. I knew I wouldn't be able to get out again with it there but I
could move it again. I carefully stacked all the bottles on it, turned the
shower head back round to face me and low and behold I couldn't move at all
because there was no space. I tried to lift the shelfy thing off and hang on
another door and all the bottles came off and clouted me on the head and on me
feet. No room for doing the jive in there I tell ye. I bent over to pick them
up and dabbed me cute arse on the cold tiles which in turn caused me to bang me
head on the knob. The door knob that is. There be no room for two peoples in
that shower, even bean pole shaped peoples. I yanked at the shelfy thing which
was by now sucked firmly to the door- I slid it to the edge and yanked a bit
more- hooray it came off but alas it landed sucker side down on the shower tray. The
door flew open and the bathroom was getting soaked, I was yanking at this damn
thing to get it off the floor but it was stuck firmly by its suckers- my cute
arse hit the cold tiles again and I banged me head on the knob again (same
knob- no room for two people- I just told ye that). I continued me
shower stood on one leg, wedged in a corner with me head under me arm and me cute arse pressed against
the tiles. And where was Mines Mr Husband-?
I hear ye all asking. Well I will tell ye - he was down stairs having his crumpet and never heard the commotion above
his head. (Apparently.) Tomorrow I am having a bath.
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