Well yesterday when I woke up I was in a dark place. Feckin
Mines Mister Husband locked me in the cupboard again! Anyways he took me to
tesco to cheer me up. I am a simples girl and I don't want a lot. He bought me
some new knickers. I don't know why- I don't bother with knickers much. But
still nice to have in the drawer. I tried them on in the shop. Got told off by
the manager- again. Apparently they have changing rooms for trying on clothes.
I attracted quite a crowd especially the ones I managed to get on sideways and
then ended up head first in the reduced basket because I lost mines balance. Mines
Mister Husband bought himself some new knickers too. I like his- they have a
handy little pocket thing at the front. I could do with some like that-
Somewhere to keep me chocolate. Anyways I was doing well - I managed to get
most of the way round without stripping (apart from the knicker thing),
singing, doing any twerking, going on me wrecking ball or swapping any babies
in any trolleys. Then we got to the dead fish aisle. That is when it all kicked
off and I lost the plot. 'Do ye want dead fishes mines mister husband?' I
asked. He said 'Oh no, not more dead animals. T'was only yesterday ye gave me
three dead rabbits and a fox'. I thought so ungrateful he is. 'These ones are
covered in nice breadcrumbs and batter though', I told him. Finally he agreed
he would like some dead fish as long as they were covered in batter and he
could have them with chips. (Note to self: next jelly fish I find on the beach-batter
first- he will readily accept- seems its un-battered fishes he don't like. Also
do this with a dead animals from now on!) Anyhows, ye know I am a bit slower
nowadays. My head is slow and I don't balance so good and things do whizz round
a bit sharpish. I was stood looking at the array of dead fishes on offer and
trying to work out if I even knew what some of them were. I was a bit dizzy but
I held me nerve. Then suddenly this stupid cow of woman pushed in front of me,
yanked open the freezer door and nearly knocked me clean off me feets. Now not
all of us are steady on our feets and some of us can't function like the
others. Some of us also have aspergers and we don't like peoples un-invited in
our space. And she was in my space un-invited. She grabbed some dead fishes and
slammed the door so hard it sent me in a spin. Then she scanned it herself (cos
you can do that up our Tesco's. Bleep, bleep, bleep. Gets on ya feckin tits.) I
am not usually a violent person, unless some one tries un-invited to tweak my
nipples or enter my space. Ya know it is rude to tweak a girls nipples or enter
her space un-invited), but I brought both my fists up to re-arrange her face.
Some geezer helped up her from the position she was sprawled in across aisles
11 to 15. Did you know fish can fly- even dead and battered? yep they can. They
do look funny wrapped in raspberry ripple though- particularly still in the
tub. And I am not saying whether or not I had anything to do with her being
stopped by security for all the things she had in her trolley that she never
scanned! Don't mess with the Zohan. Or with the Beth. So on a Tesco Ban again!
Oh and I need bail money please. Anyway Mines Mister Husband was right. Going
to Tesco always cheers me up!
No comments:
Post a Comment