Have Summer Somehere Else! Please!!

Well I have done tips for loneliness and rules for mines Mr Husbands playground (or work place as he likes to call it), now its time for one for mines neighbours. Tis this:

Now the summer is here neighbours please remember you are NOT the only ones who live here so please be considerate and have summer somewhere else!

If you simply think you cannot- think again- nothing is impossible with a little effort. When you are here please:

DO NOT leave your darling mutts out in the heat all day and all evening and all night to whine and whine and bark and bark. Every fecker and his fanny on this estate has a mutt- its like living in the middle of a large kennels. I love mutts the same as the next man but I hate to wake up and go to sleep to their barking and whining. Stop yelling at it to shut up and do something with it. Take it inside in the cool. Give it a drink. Take it for a walk. Don't torment it. And when you take it for a walk- keep it off the grass. As if having it barking all day isn't enough you don't need it high as well. And don't let it shit on our gardens.

DO NOT let your kids out to play if they are going to scream and yell and shout; kick a ball at a wall for hours on end (This is not playing- this is boredom only with a ball!) Keep the little shites inside and give them a games machine and some junk food. Keep the little feckers fat and quiet. Children should be seen and not heard!

DO NOT smoke us all out with your never ending acrid barbecue shit. Don't ye know that burned food is full of carcigens  and they can kill you. Disgusting way to treat your neighbours. And no I don't want to be invited. I am fussy what goes in my mouth. I like a good quality bit of sausage, tenderly cared for! I also like my freshly done washing to stay that way. Take your barbecues and shove them where the sun DON'T shine.

DO NOT Show us your Pussies. Please keep your pussies out of sight of my water gun and don't think if they come and do their stuff in my flower pots I won't spray the little feckers cos I will. I have already got half the pussies round here licked now.

 DO NOT Ignore your bushes. Please trim and prune your bushes regularly. No one wants to look out of the window and see unruly bushes through their long lens. No siree.

DO NOT frequent places I am trying to escape to from you. Please don't go to the country park when I am there trying to observe and photograph nature. Ye all makes a noise and tis quite unnecessary. The rest of us go to enjoy the peace and quiet. Ye can have a good time at the park without shouting at each other or letting the rest of the world know that you are ON YOUR MOBILE. We don't care about your auntie Ivy and her never ending incontinence or Uncle Fred's boil on his bum or your indeed your latest bedroom conquest. We don't honest. We want tranquillity. If you are going to the park- leave the feckin phone at home!! It won't kill you.

DO NOT cut the grass every five minutes unless you are male, hot, hunky and gorgeous- then please go ahead but remember to strip first!

DO NOT get my dander up. You won't like me when I am angry. I shall set mines little sisters on you. Truth.

Please enjoy your summer- but do it somewhere else.!