Pelvic floor, Arseholes and 8 and a half inches to be exact.

I have been putting the world to rights today with mines cousins. I only made a comment on facebook about food banks requesting jam sponge pudding and it near enough started world war three- tis now an incident that I can only call' jam sponge pudding gate'. One friend unfriended me but I don't be doing the crying into me pillow thingy. Life be too short. So I shall send her love and peace and healing. I send peace and love and healing to all today- even arseholes. So if ye feels ye arsehole twitching it probably be me- or it could be ye piles. Ye never will know for sure.

The neighbours having turf laid across the road. I did say to the turf man- don't be laying that in the road- it will be ruined there. Get it laid in the back garden- mine preferably. He thought I said 'get laid in my back garden'- that caused a few problems but all is well now.

My cousin is having bladder woes. I told her the hairy chin comes next. I told she need to visit her doctor and get advise about the pelvic floor thingy. Mines Midwife, 33years since, told me 'Do ye pelvic floor exercises everyday'. And I have. She still not told me to stop yet- so I still do them everyday. I have a grip like a bulldog clip. I can sharpen pencils. Release bottle tops. Fire missiles. Recently my GP thought she would do a check on ye old pelvic floor - impertinent I thought- bit personal is that. Still I have had kids, I don't mind ye old check up. Suddenly she gasped 'Oh my word, ye have a strong grip there'. I knew that. 'Aye' I agreed, 'tis true- ye olde midwife told me to do these pelvis floor thingys 33 years since and I haven't seen her since so I have been doing them all this time'. She looked pained for a moment and said 'well he keep it up'- I said 'Aye, it does, that be why Mines Mr Husband always got a grin on his face'. She lost the top of her finger that day. T'was why she had a pained look and T'was last pelvic floor she checked.

Anyways - I can't be sat here all day.  I have to do some sewing because the curtains in the lounge need taking down. I took them up on Mines Mr Husbands measurements- 8 and half inches to be exact but tis ony five and half inches. I shan't be letting him do the measuring again- after all I am the fecking sewist person in this house- should have did the measurements meself! Then I got to make a turtle. And me eggs are on the boil. Tis me age. Tis all go in this house!!