Mines Mr Husband took me for a little amble yesterday- on
account of him being at work the rest of the week and to stop boredom and
rigamortis setting in for me whilst he is there. We started off in a grand
little place called Shaldon and somehow ended up in Torquay- we are quite fond
of Torquay. However, he has told me I cannot again unless I issue the following
apologies- so here goes: Apologies to
To the little fat kid whom I asked for a lick of his ice
cream- despite your refusal I did manage to get the chocolate flake. In my
defence I have to say I do have a chocolate addiction. And I am sorry for
telling you the Karma bogey man would get you if you didn't share.
To the old man and the old woman on the bench- I shouldn't
have told you the grim reaper was stood behind you just to get you to move off
that bench - to be fair it did backfire a bit because as it turns out he was
stood behind you- and to the old lady- I am sorry to hear about your loss.
To the girl in the lime green boob tube dress thingy- I
probably shouldn't have told you that it was two sizes to small and we could
see you your two sizes too small thong, a spare tyre and almost all of your
white?? bra and your bra labels 34b flapping around in the breeze. I bet with
that thong being two sizes too small your labels on your bra weren't the only
thing flapping in the breeze.
To ALL of the party size gateaux from Iceland shaped women
with legs like tree trunks who thought for some reason it would be a good idea
to wear mini skirts and size 12 shorts and treat us all to thigh slapping and severe
flesh wobbling and crack flashing I apologise for pointing it out- although
really? Come on- I know you are on holiday but just because you are party size
gateaux from Iceland
shaped you can't where is my sense of decency where other people are eating. Nuff
said.
To the young man carrying the rather large (empty) crab
bucket- I probably shouldn't have pointed out that the girl you were with would
soon fill that for you if you carried on dating her- and I know you think I
might not know her from Adam but trust me on this- she is definitely not Adam!
To the two mothers on the seafront who were busy looking at
their phones- I swapped your babies over but you probably still haven't looked
up yet. The baby in the blue sun hat needs his arse changing btw.
I cannot apologise to the young man who I am sure was Harry
Styles for winking and twerking in your one direction. Serves you right for
smiling in mine!
Also I cannot apologise to the young man to whom I gave my
hairbrush- 'Just got out of bed hairstyle, and can you see last nights pizza's
and a used condom in it'- Torquay is not the place to sport it. I spent all
feckin day trying to get people to look respectable and sort themselves out and
then you come along and spoil the whole town with that hair. Get a grip man- or
a packet full and pin some of it into place.
To mines Mr Husband - I hope these apologies suffice and
please take me again...........
No comments:
Post a Comment