Russia and the KFC, Poems and Squirty Soap, Boobie Jiggling at Weddings.

Well if ye been wondering what I been doing this week- yer tis. If ye ain't be wondering tis still yer!!

 SUNDAY-Two things today :About this yer blog of mine. Mines Mr Husband helps me promote them so I get followers and readers. That's followers not stalkers. Although tis true ye can never tell these days. Thankye muchly if ye are a follower, or a stalker. Tis a pleasure to have ye on board.. Well, I used to be big in Alaska. I looked at the stats last night. I have mixed feelings about being big in Russia. I don't even write Russian. Is it the KFC I wonder who are watching me? Putin and his mates? Tis very curious. I have more Russian followers than English. Curious indeedy.

I have told mines Mr Husband that I have ordered some more Elvis CDs to play on the way to Scotland and back so me and Elvis can have a good sing a long.  I couldn't tell really if that was a pleased look or not. Anyways in other news he is fitting an ejector button to my seat in the Jag. Curious indeedy.

 MONDAY: Don't you just hate that moment when you are sat on the loo and a good poem comes in yer head and all ye haves to hand is loo roll and squirty soap! (Note to self: Install notebook and paper in loo- all three of them!)

TUESDAY: I been on a little trek today. I had to go from Devon to Burnham to the dentist because she won't come to me misery guts she is. Mines Mr Husband was really worried about me going all that way on the motorway on me todd. 'Find a car doing a steady 68 and follow it- ye won't go wrong' he said, and no flashing- not lights nor boobies. I was miffed. Not on the motorway long and I clocked a nice shiny BMW doing 68- well 71 but ssssh don't tell Mines Mr Husband. Yep I was surprised too- a BWM going that slow. But I stuck behind him like glue. He couldn't shake me off with a shitty stick. And that guys is why I am in a place called Manchester!

WEDNESDAY AM: Sat here waiting for another Electric man- rope in one hand and fresh roll of gaffer in other.

WEDNESDAY PM:I bet ye all wondering how the electric man got on ain't ye? He was late for starters. When he comed I was impatient. I opened the door and said 'Eelectric man?'- he had EON on his shirt. He said 'No'. I said 'Have ye brought cake and cookies like it says on me door?'- I pointed the notice out cos these peoples aren't always observant. He said 'No- I come to mend the boiler'. I told him if he hadn't brought cake or cookies I didn't know to let him in or not. He said 'look missus I am a supervisor'. I thought 'ooo-er a supervisor' so I grabbed him by the time and dragged him up me hole'. Then he ran back saying he had to lock the van. He came back willingly. Then he was only yer an hour- he has all his equipment out all over me floor and then he said he had to go cos one of his nuts was sheared off. I don't know if he will come back and finish the job. I bet he will send someone else. The same one never comes twice here. Curious indeedy.

THURSDAY AM: Well another adventure looms- I thought I would grace the Doctor with my presence today. Tis a long while since I been up there and caused chaos and I thought today would be a good day. I will think of a reason for a visit when I get there and have gauged her mood at seeing me. Tis not always a happy one.Time to get the pea out.

THURSDAY PM:

 Well that was a funny mother in the doctors- all I Said was 'What a lovely ginger baby you have and what pronounced eyebrows she has- are they her own?'. Well the look she gave me you would think she had never been asked that before. Curious woman indeedy. (Her- not me!)

SATURDAY : Yer all been thinking I been quiet. Well we went to me muvvers and helped her trying on her wigs. Then this evening we went to a wedding. We was invited. Well when I say we was invited - we just turned up. When I say we went to a wedding well we just sat outside with chips. But I said to mines Mr Husband 'lets go in and join in'. He said 'we don't even know who's wedding it is'. I told him 'see her in the white frock thing - yeah her that looks like she fell in a vat of meringue- well tis her wedding'. He said 'Well we don't know her'. I said 'yeah but, please lets go in- they will have cake- I am sure they will have cake'. Anyways we compromised and he went off and got chips. I sneaked in and got cakes. Then we sat outside and watched the arguments. I bet it was someone we knew. I wanted to stay to the end but he said 'no cos you will get lairy and pull your top up and jiggle your boobies'. I don't think mines Mr Husband has been to many weddings. People like that they do! Booby jiggling.

If tis not enough for you go to You Tube- And look for me- Lillielou Lucas and see the latest video.

Tie him up and keep him under the stairs and then dance naked

 WEDNESDAY: 9.30am Pleased with myself for identifying that the boiler is leaking.' How did ye do that Beth?' I hear ye all asking. Simples I tell ye.I opened the door and found that stuff was wet! So I touched the pipe and found that water was running down out. That guys is how ye find out if ye boiler is leaking. I thought 'ooh, water. That could mean the boiler is leaking'. And it is!! Well done me. Bet the FBI could use my detection skills. And get this, I rang EON and told them, all by myself. I only panicked when he asked me for me email address( for security reasons )because I gave him it and he said 'twas wrong. Eeejit he is. Like anyone is going to ring to get them to fix someone else's boiler!! Anyways the good news is I have had a nice chat to a nice man at EON and the letting agent. And tis exciting because now an engineer has to call- yay- company!! Ye know what that means don't ye guys? Yep thems of ye who knows me well. Remember the parcel man in the summer? Or the old peoples who were passing to visit the neighbours? Or Ivor the last estate agent? OH yay- anything could happen.................

11.30 am Was good news- the electrician called in off the cuff to complete a job he started weeks ago............I bet he wished he hadn't. I am glad I had me bra on. Tied him up with the cable, put him under the stairs for later.......Nigel due in two hours or less to mend the boiler........................

3pm Doing well today- that's two men under me stairs today- Nigel was glad too though- I think he thought I talked too much. Nice man- very nice man. Although he did have a twitch I feel this may be increased slightly by being under the stairs with Alan. Plus a message for mines Mr Husband from him- don't keep turning the thermostat down!!!

10pm Ah mines Mr Husband is home again. He has hob knobbed with the big knobs til he is all hob knobbed out. He said its lovely to be back home with his hot sexy and beautiful wife. I told him T'was generous to say such a thing and that I would pass in a crowd. Then he said 'yes but ye shine as an individual'. I said 'no, I glow in the dark. Tis a different thing all together'. He gone to his own bed for snorey sleeping now. Would be a good time now to go and have a chat with Alan and Nigel in the cupboard under the stairs.

THURSDAY: Mines Mr Husband has found out about Alan (the electrician) and Nigel (the plumber- with the twitch) that I tied up with cable and put under the stairs for later. He says I am to let them go home. I did do as my sister in law told me and presented each of them with a duster and polish. That's polish as in Mr Sheen not the country Poland Polish. Turns out Alan the electrician is called Andy (I thought he said Alan but then he did have tape on his mouth) is quite nifty with a duster. Nigel not so. Also Nigel has a twitch and tourettes and a heart condition. So I sent him home. I don't want nobody to deal with that got a heart condition. I dance naked on Saturdays to Elvis- don't want nobody having a heart attack on my highly polished  wooden flooring.  However, electricians are harder to get hold of. Ye know I waited 6 weeks for that man to fix my light and then the cheeky fecker wanted to keep the bulb I paid 10squids for. So I think I will be keeping the Alan/Andy person for the foreseeable future. I won't tell Mines Mr Husband because he gets funny about me keeping men under the stairs in our little cupboard. He goes on about Human Rights and stuff. I don't believe in all that. Not when it comes to getting an electrician. Also he will be handy for untangling the xmas lights. We haven't actually had xmas for some years now (cos it hurts soooo much- xmas is for families) but I do like to untangle the lights to keep up with tradition. They are blue our xmas lights- just by chance they match mines little sisters hair (the one with issues, day confusion, constipation and accidental blue hair). She will be chuffed that our xmas lights match her hair.

I have consulted with my rice krispies this morning. They have told not to do anything but sing today but I have to make bread today.  Don't wear the wrong size bra peoples- its dangerous for ye health. Or don't wear one. Just put one on when ye goes out so ye don't get nipple burns on the pavement.

Gotta go now- the electrician say he needs a wee. Don't want damp patches in me cupboard.