Swinging Nuts, Orange Socks and Party Poppers

It all happens down by yer so it does!

WEDNESDAY:I bet ye all wondering how the electric man got on ain't ye? He was late for starters. When he comed I was impatient. I opened the door and said 'Eelectric man?'- he had EON on his shirt. He said 'No'. I said 'Have ye brought cake and cookies like it says on me door?'- I pointed the notice out cos these peoples aren't always observant. He said 'No- I come to mend the boiler'. I told him if he hadn't brought cake or cookies I didn't know to let him in or not. He said 'look missus I am a supervisor'. I thought 'ooo-er a supervisor' so I grabbed him by the time and dragged him up me hole'. Then he ran back saying he had to lock the van. He came back willingly. Then he was only yer an hour- he has all his equipment out all over me floor and then he said he had to go cos one of his nuts was sheared off. I don't know if he will come back and finish the job. I bet he will send someone else. The same one never comes twice here. Curious indeedy.

SATURDAY: Hers across the road, the family size gateaux from Iceland shaped one with the integrated bike rack, well let me tell yous she is having a baby shower today. I think it means either she is having a baby: or she is having a shower of babies: or he is hosing her down in the yard- but to tell ye the truth these houses are only for skinny bitches and the showers nion impossible to get into without taking the doors off so he often hoses her down in the yard. To be fair she hoses him down as well.  Sometimes they takes them clothes off. Anyways I am put out they didn't consult me about this baby business. I don't want no more screamy brats in this street- no siree. And ye knows what happens when thems womens haves babies- they lets thems bushes go to wrack and ruin. T'wil be a sight for sore eyes outside this winder. And I guess this means all sorts of carrys on been going on in that house of late. I noticed they been going to bed early. I notice stuff like that.  There are lots of cars in the street today and lots of unknown peoples. I have made a few friends. I told them all I have new knickers. Mines Mr Husband said 'ye din't need to tell everybody'- but I am so pleased with me purchase I want to shout it from the roof top! If any of ye wants to see me knickers I can post a picture!!

FRIDAY: Mines Mr Husband came in and said 'I have caught a bug'. Caught a bug! 'Oh, ye dirty fecker I hope ye let it go again- or did ye put it in a jar?- Ye should let the bugs fly free don't ye know?'. He looked at me like I didn't know what he was saying. 'No, I caught a bug' he said again- 'I caught a stomach bug'. Well I tell ye I moved away sharpish. 'For feck's sake man- ye can keep that- and don't get near me with that fecker'. He looked a bit sad but I didn't care ' I have to work' he said. 'what can ye give me for the bug- can ye give me anything for me bug?' he asked. I said 'I can indeedy - I can give thee a cork'. So I did (with instructions accordingly). Well, T'was a party popper. I thought it would be much more fun. I don't think he noticed. Not yet anyways!

THURSDAY: Mines Mr Husband was in a rebellious mood last night. He went to work wearing nothing but his orange socks with the smiley face on. It caused quite a stir I can tell thee. Uproar. 'What's wrong with that?' I hear ye ask. Well I tell ye. He ain't supposed to wear orange socks to work! Also the smiley face is a definite no no-(the Big Fat Git who steals peoples promotions from under thems noses says so!). Feckin misery arses if you ask me!

WEDNESDAY PM:

Whenever I walk into the Dr's it's always the same. Take a seat Mrs Lucas- not next to the fish tank; and not in the children's play area; and don't sit at a table and order an all day breakfast. 'I won't' I said - 'that feckin menu is shite- last time I was in all you had on it was nicotine patches, flu injections and bereavement counselling'. 'Please Mrs Lucas, just take a seat'. Sounded a bit tetchy if ye ask me. I did like I was told and took a seat. I took it and sat in the corridor outside Dr Angry Jones room. She has a welsh name. She speaks English. The reception woman said 'you can sit here in the waiting room next to Mr Worth'. I said 'No fanks- he smells of rich tea biscuits and wee'. Anyways Dr Jones said my bloods weren't too good and now I have to see the rumour whatsit thingy doctor up the RDE place. I am not sure about that place. They carried out the wrong procedure on the wrong person the other day. It could be dangerous to go there it could!!

MONDAY: I just read that half of all women in the workplace are sexually harrassed. Jeez I must get me a job!

TUESDAY: One of those 'oh no not again' moments when you look out the window and see one of your mister husbands fat balls swinging all alone and then along comes two fat birds who start fighting over it! Then you have to go out and shoo them off. This is what my life is like somedays! Fat balls and fat birds and sheared off nuts- not to mention twisted drawers!

Russia and the KFC, Poems and Squirty Soap, Boobie Jiggling at Weddings.

Well if ye been wondering what I been doing this week- yer tis. If ye ain't be wondering tis still yer!!

 SUNDAY-Two things today :About this yer blog of mine. Mines Mr Husband helps me promote them so I get followers and readers. That's followers not stalkers. Although tis true ye can never tell these days. Thankye muchly if ye are a follower, or a stalker. Tis a pleasure to have ye on board.. Well, I used to be big in Alaska. I looked at the stats last night. I have mixed feelings about being big in Russia. I don't even write Russian. Is it the KFC I wonder who are watching me? Putin and his mates? Tis very curious. I have more Russian followers than English. Curious indeedy.

I have told mines Mr Husband that I have ordered some more Elvis CDs to play on the way to Scotland and back so me and Elvis can have a good sing a long.  I couldn't tell really if that was a pleased look or not. Anyways in other news he is fitting an ejector button to my seat in the Jag. Curious indeedy.

 MONDAY: Don't you just hate that moment when you are sat on the loo and a good poem comes in yer head and all ye haves to hand is loo roll and squirty soap! (Note to self: Install notebook and paper in loo- all three of them!)

TUESDAY: I been on a little trek today. I had to go from Devon to Burnham to the dentist because she won't come to me misery guts she is. Mines Mr Husband was really worried about me going all that way on the motorway on me todd. 'Find a car doing a steady 68 and follow it- ye won't go wrong' he said, and no flashing- not lights nor boobies. I was miffed. Not on the motorway long and I clocked a nice shiny BMW doing 68- well 71 but ssssh don't tell Mines Mr Husband. Yep I was surprised too- a BWM going that slow. But I stuck behind him like glue. He couldn't shake me off with a shitty stick. And that guys is why I am in a place called Manchester!

WEDNESDAY AM: Sat here waiting for another Electric man- rope in one hand and fresh roll of gaffer in other.

WEDNESDAY PM:I bet ye all wondering how the electric man got on ain't ye? He was late for starters. When he comed I was impatient. I opened the door and said 'Eelectric man?'- he had EON on his shirt. He said 'No'. I said 'Have ye brought cake and cookies like it says on me door?'- I pointed the notice out cos these peoples aren't always observant. He said 'No- I come to mend the boiler'. I told him if he hadn't brought cake or cookies I didn't know to let him in or not. He said 'look missus I am a supervisor'. I thought 'ooo-er a supervisor' so I grabbed him by the time and dragged him up me hole'. Then he ran back saying he had to lock the van. He came back willingly. Then he was only yer an hour- he has all his equipment out all over me floor and then he said he had to go cos one of his nuts was sheared off. I don't know if he will come back and finish the job. I bet he will send someone else. The same one never comes twice here. Curious indeedy.

THURSDAY AM: Well another adventure looms- I thought I would grace the Doctor with my presence today. Tis a long while since I been up there and caused chaos and I thought today would be a good day. I will think of a reason for a visit when I get there and have gauged her mood at seeing me. Tis not always a happy one.Time to get the pea out.

THURSDAY PM:

 Well that was a funny mother in the doctors- all I Said was 'What a lovely ginger baby you have and what pronounced eyebrows she has- are they her own?'. Well the look she gave me you would think she had never been asked that before. Curious woman indeedy. (Her- not me!)

SATURDAY : Yer all been thinking I been quiet. Well we went to me muvvers and helped her trying on her wigs. Then this evening we went to a wedding. We was invited. Well when I say we was invited - we just turned up. When I say we went to a wedding well we just sat outside with chips. But I said to mines Mr Husband 'lets go in and join in'. He said 'we don't even know who's wedding it is'. I told him 'see her in the white frock thing - yeah her that looks like she fell in a vat of meringue- well tis her wedding'. He said 'Well we don't know her'. I said 'yeah but, please lets go in- they will have cake- I am sure they will have cake'. Anyways we compromised and he went off and got chips. I sneaked in and got cakes. Then we sat outside and watched the arguments. I bet it was someone we knew. I wanted to stay to the end but he said 'no cos you will get lairy and pull your top up and jiggle your boobies'. I don't think mines Mr Husband has been to many weddings. People like that they do! Booby jiggling.

If tis not enough for you go to You Tube- And look for me- Lillielou Lucas and see the latest video.