Sex and Icing, The Pope and Haddock for Tea

I have been reading my emergency booklet. The government want us to keep alert. Well they be buggered cos I ain't doin' that. First they want us to keep migrants and now they want us to keep feckin lerts. I suppose they are gettin' in under the lorries as well now. Bet they want benefits as well. Well all the lerts can just feck right off. I gave mines Mr husband a number for antiterrorist from my booklet. He said 'no thank you pumpkin, I have heard enuff about your auntie terrorist and she sounds too scary for my liking'. Tis true. She is. You wouldn't want to tangle with her. Even the terrorist wouldn't want to tangle with her. Tomorrow mines Mr husband is going to town for icing for mines birthday. He also said I can have sex for my birthday so I am ringing Johnny Depp in the morning. Oh yes my friends I got life sorted. Also my cousin says that the terrorist are going to Rome to take the Pope out. I think that is a lovely gesture. Poor old Pope- sat in that feckin Vatican day and day out without seeing a feckin soul. I think it will be nice for him to get out and get a bit of fresh air. I wonders where they will take him? I reckon it will be nice if they stop off at Asda's as well and let him get a bit of something nice in for his tea. Nice bit of Haddock or something. Who says these terrorists are all heartless?