Well I had
to wait for the plumber again today- as mines Mr Husband made a big fuss about
me keeping the last one under the stairs. Ranted about Kidnap being illegal and
poor chap turning blue blah blah. Then one we finds the boiler is still leaking
through a little hole. This proves I should have been allowed to keep the other one. Although to be fair he did have a heart condition. I had to ring the nice plumber people and convince them
to send me another. Well I am glad I did because they sent Ben- I could have
sworn they said they were sending Zen. He mumbled about loose nuts. How rude I
thought- he barely knows me. He started off by saying he only needed tighter
nuts. Now I am expert in this field so I stripped immediately. Its the quickest
solution for tightening nuts I know of. He seemed shocked. 'Put ye clothes back
on pleeeassse', he begged. 'Well', I said to him 'I think the problem is me
little hole wants filling'. Anyways I thought I will keep this one. Not making
that mistake twice. Don't think I was using strong enough rope to start with
because he managed to escape no less than 7 times. Slippery beast indeed!! I was
going to keep him in the cupboard under the stairs but he is too nice for that.
So I have left him in the bedroom- still tied up of course. Later I might untie him and hide his clothes
and let him roam about looking to see if any more little holes need filling!
Yesterday
I went to see the Machoist. The neck lump doctor is his proper title it
appears. True. Says that on me invitation to see him. They didn't have not a
magazine to read in that waiting room. No siree. All they had was a copy of Mog
the Cat. And a cover of an a Woman's Own magazine. It didn't take me long to
read that from cover to cover I tell ye. Anyways it seems when ye are going to
have a lump inspected in ye neck ye don't need ye best bra and knickers on. So
I took them off. Apparently ye are not supposed to do that either. I thought he
said he wanted to feel me in nymph mode- but apparently Mr Husband said he
asked to feel my lymph node and he never once had mentioned stripping naked. I
am sure he did though. I heard it said when I was staring at the doctor who
looked like Colin Firth- I am sure he did. I thought this same thing happened
when I accompanied mines little sister (the one with the issues, constipation,
accidental blue hair, and part time camel toe) to the lumpy bum doctor. I
wasn't supposed to strip off there either. But there ye goes- I could have
sworn I heard the doctor say 'strip off'. Good job I had me best knickers on
that day as well. I came over all necessary when he offered me his hand and
said 'place that on the place ye needs me to feel'. Mines Mr Husband said 'He
meant the lymph node- the lump- in ye neck- ye are rude woman'.
On the plus side I saved a woman's life on the
way home from the Machoist - yes true I did. ' Oh Lordy, Lordy Mind that woman
on the crossing' I screamed at mines Mr Husband- oh my days he could have
killed her! I am a heroine.
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