Been up since early checking the New Years Honour List for
mines name. Seems they have forgotten to put it on. I am sure I should be on
there for my services to writing or genealogy or naked dancing, or services to
the tits or something. Mines Mr Chunky Nuts says that the Queens
secretary writes to you. I think it is because I have moved house. They have
lost track of me. Its the tax office debacle all over again. Talking of which I
see several tax peoples have had medals this year- I don't know what for- they
always be losing people. And they didn't deport me to the Seychelles like
I asked. I am always amazed by that list and the amount of people they have to
order to Bath-
(see the ORDER OF THE BATH). There must be some really dirty feckers out there.
Glad see mines Brother wasn't on the list- but in fairness he did have a shower
last year- no, I know not by choice but he did get one. Some of thems people on
that NYH list surely don't need a medal - someone in Wales got a medal for
services to Welsh Lamb (peculiar that one); Someone got a medal for Clay
shooting target practice; someone got a medal for services to Hockey- Hockey of
all things; one for services to the community of Lympsham in Somerset- I am
dumbfounded- there only be three feckin houses. Ye drive though and miss it if
ye should blink. And one for services to prisoners (another very curious one-
all sorts spring to mind). Barbara Windsor got one for 'thrust the bust' scenes
in movies and for slapping Pat Butcher (but she was asking for it)- and
Jacqueline Gold founder of Anne Summers for rendering services- just that-
rendering services. Plus ol' Liz at Buckingham Palace was particularly thrilled
this year with the new hands free vibrator (and she wasn't the only one- read
my book) and ol' Charlie was thrilled with the new design of Pink Poly Bags
that the goods from Anne Summers arrives in. They are a nice fit over the ye
old nags head- not just during sex, but during mealtimes and tv hour as well.
And well done I must say to those who got awards for Scottish Country Dancing
(tis true they did), the bloke who got one for services to the Gentleman's
Night Out (organising piss ups for posh people- also true), and my favourite is
Jane Pettigrew who had a medal for services in the Production of Tea (not
coffee- it didn't get not any mention at all) but Tea- it solves a multitude of
problems and keeps I upright for most of the day. So that one was well earned.
I will have to check through again for mines name- it is obviously there- its
just too early in the day for me to see it.
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