Apparently tis the end of 2017 today. Nobody tells me
anyfin. Fank gawd for the TV guide is all I can say. Tis the time of year when
everyone becomes a mirror and goes all reflective and a maudling. Mostly they
focus on what they have lost and the bad stuff. Tis true one dear friend of
mine had lost a lot this year and to you Jo I send buckets and buckets of love.
Some people have gone through terrible things (I am not on about the drama
queens and the constant whiners). Here at least this year we are counting our
blessings - we had some near misses! For me the positives are this: I survived
no less than 10 apocalypses. I made a few of you smile. I saw bears in the
wood. Well I saw where they had shitted. Same thing really. I almost seen a
whale. I was at the spot where many others had seen it anyways. Same thing. I
visited Sunny Wales- twice. It rained. I had a fabulous new grandson Travis. He
is welsh. I spent beloved time, although no where near as much as I would have
liked, with my beautiful kids and grand children. I had the privilege of being
a birfing buddy to my niece and being there when little William made his grand,
if traumatic entrance into this world. And I was excited when little Amelia
arrived in the world. She is Welsh. We are doing well with the Welsh this year.
Mr husband pissed on me chips a few times but in the main he has convinced me
he is simply the best husband a girl could wish for. He even bought me a
flanger for xmas. If anyone wants to see my flanger in action you will have to
visit it. Its not the sort of thing I can put on yer! In 2018 I will walk
through the crap with me held high and look for the positive stuff. Best of all
I am getting rid of my fibromyalgia. Me, Bob and Elvis will adventure far and
wide. And I thank each and everyone one of you for being at my side. Except
Sid. Sid has been a knob.
This is what I have learned this year:
You can only comfortably get three and a half parcel men in
the cupboard under the stairs.
It is against the law to kidnap parcel men and tie them up
and keep them under the stairs. Who Knew?
A whole dead badger is better than a half one.
A girl can never have too many hoovers or maltesers.
A menopausal girl can almost fit long ways in the freezer at
Tesco.
A menopausal girl should always pick the dessert freezer to
throw herself into over the frozen veg.
Fortune favours the brave- yes ladies you can load the
dishwasher by yourself (providing your husband is asleep or out).
Not all policeman wear underwear. (Don't ask how I know-
take it from me- they don't).
This moving house crap has to stop. For me. Not you. Don't
let me stop you. But don't ask me to help either. Unless you want lists of
things drawing up. I can do that.
Get a feather in your knickers- you can laugh all day
without one joke being told.
(Don't ask how I know!)
There are still men who patronise women out there. Kick
these in the nuts with your hobnail boots girls. And kick em real hard!
Twerking naked is not allowed in the library.
If yer husband tells ye he has someat hard and long for ye
to have in the bedroom don't be surprised if its a just a curtain pole!
Topless is the way to go with me new car. Except for when it
rains. This is England.
Two days a year we go topless. Two feckin days.
Don't watch something funny or read my status's if ye are
chewing on nuts- ye could choke don't ye know. Tis true. Happened to me cousin
so it did.
Twerking is not allowed in the bank - neither is whipping me
nae nae.
Only candle sticks can be buffed in church. No muffin buffin.
The oven needs to be turned on if ye are baking cakes. Usually.
Who knew. Plus once you have done so you are supposed to time it. And check it.
Not wait til the kitchen is filled with smoke and the smoke alarm is going off.
Not all burglars want to get into bed and warm you up before
they leave. Ditto Postmen and Delivery men.
Cats don't actually fly. Who knew that either?
There appears to be no laws in the Netherlands about twerking or being naked in a freezer in Tesco. Think we could make it there!
And finally everyone should be able to wear their cardigan
upside down if they so desire without fear of being judged!
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