Are ye all
ready for a week at Beth's again?? Brace yourself Sheila as they say in
outback.
Sunday :
Mines Mr Husband took me in the Co-op- t'was an experience for me I tell ye and
a new experience for them. Then he took me in the Country Park
at bottom of our road. 'Ye don't have to lower ye voice and go down on all
fours when we are in the county park just to photograph a plastic bag' said
Mines Mr husband. 'It can hear or see ye and it won't run away'. (Well how does
he know what I am down on all fours for??) Anyways like I says to him- 'If I
don't do that and get the feckin photograph how the feck do I know its a
plastic bag??' Duh. Anyways this plastic bag is quite nice- it even got eyes
and a beak.
Monday: Mine's
Mr Husband was bemoaning the fact it's steak and BJ day and he has had neither.
'Feckin stop yer moaning' I tells him. 'Ye had beef Bolognese for ye tea and if
ye want the other I have left hair dryer plugged in on your side of the bed'.
He gone to his own room whining now. Told him not to put hair dryer on hottest
setting. Numpty.
Tuesday :'Get
ready to go to the hospital please pumpkin' asked Mines Mr Husband today. 'I am
ready' I told him. He said 'No, get dressed- I told ye before Dr wants to look
at ye lump in yer neck'. I still protested. 'Tis nipply noodles out there, get
dressed', he said all masterfully. Well how could I not resist. Tis true I need
to keep mines extremities warm because I have thyroid thingy. So I am ready to
go- I have four items of clothing - Slippers, Mittens, Nipple tassles and me
bobble hat. Mines Mr Husband is sighing and tutting. But I won't be swayed- tis
what I am wearing today!
When we
done the hospital thing and after the nipple twirling and boobie jiggling the Dr decided it was just a naughty nymph node
playing up we went to Dawlish to take photos of the baby cygnets. Mines Mr Husband took 300 and I only managed to get
a few because I was hampered by a weird woman who wanted to give me her life
story- from the school she attended first and then second to how she end up
with Dippy Duncan and a sick parrot. Then without warning she thrust her
backside sideways at me to tell me how hot her bum was. Well that was awkward!
I didn't really know what the socially acceptable thing with other woman's bums being thrust in your face was. Did she want me to feel how hot it was?? What?? I
don't know. What are you supposed to do? Feel it? Just Rub it. I didn't know. So
I slapped it and sent her on her way. She had
already noted that Mines Mr Husband would probably have a good stack of photos.
I said 'so the feck would I if I weren't been feckin pestered by a arse
thrusting weirdo'.
Wednesday :
Mines Mr Husband gave me a sachet of Piri Piri Rub. 'What this for?' I ask.
'Tis to rub on yer Piri Piri' he said. 'Mmm, Don't like the sound of that' I
says, 'sounds foreign to me- ye best rub it on ye own Piri Piri'. He spent all evening in
the bathroom with a bag of frozen blackberries on his Piri Piri.
Friday: I
bet ye was all thinking 'Mad Beth with the grip like a bulldog clip (as seen on
national TV) be quiet'. Well mines Mr Husband is on nights so I have to be
quiet or else I shall waken him. Anyways he be awake now. I been out in kitchen
making truffles. Was going ok until I got to the bit that says 'Roll mixture
into small balls'. I had to look around for some small balls- luckily mines Mr
Husband was just passing the kitchen, although I had to feckin chase him all
over the feckin house. He havin a bath now and is a huffin and a puffin and
furthermore, not only but also, we have no truffles!
And before ye say -'ye missed out Thursday', I did. Ye can't expect me to have fun everyday!!!
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