Nice Tits, Measles and Needing Stuffing

I have been to the doctors again today. I was quite well behaved I thought. Well until that woman got stroppy with me. I thought she had a nice body. Quite shapely. So I thought it would be nice to pay her a compliment. All I said was 'haven't you got a nice figure. Nice tits. Have you thought about getting a bit took of end of that nose?'. That was when the fight started. Good job by then I had already seen the advert about getting your kids vaccinated against measles before it comes to town. I have booked them all in for vaccinations and ear syringing. I thought may as well kill two birds with one stone. Anyway the waitress at the desk reckons that because my kids are now in their 20s and 30s they don't need measles jabs but I insisted on booking them in anyway. Don't think that waitress woman is all there to be honest with you. Of course I want my kids protected from the measles. Then after the Doctor told me I have this feckin arthritis crap in all my bones and joints and I will have to learn to live with the pain we went to look for some stuffing because I need stuffing. Not the kind you have with your Sunday lunch either. The kind you stuff a knitted snowman with. Mines Mr Husband found a blind woman wandering round the town. She was headed for the building site so he turned her round and took her to a bus stop. I thought 'eh up, he's pulled- I will just nip home for his suitcase'. Then he said goodbye to her and left her on the bus stop. I thought T'was a bit cruel leaving her in the road but he assured me that was what she asked for! So I thought I will help someone too. I grabbed an old lady and helped her across the road. She slapped me face. She didn't want to go across the road and she was only 23. Oh well, I tried. And I still need stuffing! Oh yes and Mines Mr Husband and I experimented when we went to bed last night-we tried sleeping in the same bed. He tried to turn me over at one point so he could have more bed! Cheek. I said 'this lady is not for turning-sleep in thee own fecking bed'. Anyways we trying again tonight.........................

Sex in the Car, Sex in the Woods, and Stuffing

This Morning:

On the way to the chemist to get my lady magnet and my prescription:

Me: 'Oh Mines Mr Husband, the doctor has put my age on here. She says I am 51. I love her'.

MMH: 'Well, you are 51'.

Me: 'No I'm not. I am 52'.

MMH: 'Not until September Sweetheart'.

Me: 'I think you will find that I am 53 in September'.

MMH: 'No, do the Maths. You were born in 63 and its 2015, because you haven't had your birthday yet you will 52'.

Me: 'Are you sure?'

MMH 'Yes Darling, I am good with Maths'.

Me: 'Wow, I am so excited I could pee me pants. I have gained a whole year'.

MMH 'No, you have just lost one'.

(I think this depends on how one looks at this) however I am so excited and it put me in a good mood.

Me: 'Well that has put me in a good mood and I am super happy. Do you want to have sex now I am in a good mood'.

MMH 'No not really Sweetheart because I am driving'.

Well I shan't offer again - he had his chance. No good for him to say I didn't offer.........

(If you want to know what a lady magnet is- it's not the same as a fanny magnet- it's a little helper for ladies of a certain age with mood swings and hot flushes- although MMH went into the chemist and asked for it (quite boldly) and the woman ran round in a flap and had to call the manageress to help her look for a 'lady maker' for the gentleman in the black sweater. Nearly peed me pants twice today and it's only lunch time!)

This Afternoon:

This afternoon we went for a nature walk and stuff. Only there wasn't as much stuffing as I hoped. We took some photos of the terrapins and the fish and the trees and I was lucky enough to find a fungi in the woods. I didn't tell mines Mr husband because he had found a random loony who made friends with him and I wandered off to the woods alone. Then mines Mr husband came and found me in the woods. We found a den - now it could have been a badgers home or a fox or even a plain rabbit- we don't go in for them fancy rabbits down yer in Devon we don't. Just plain. And we only do two types of rabbit stew- stew with rabbit and stew without. Anyways I was curious to get a picture of the inhabitant of that den but even though I got down on my hands and knees and gently chided he didn't comes out. I said to Mines Mr Husband 'find some poo and taste it'. He looked horrified. 'Don't be disgusting little fruitcake', he replied. 'I don't intend to be', I said, 'that's why I am asking you to find it and taste it'. 'What will that achieve exactly?' he asks. I told him 'We will soon be able to find out what kind of animal lives there by this experiment if only we can find some poo. It works I seen it on spring watch'. 'Spring watch?' he repeated. 'Well', I said, 'Something like that, I think it may have had Tom Hanks or someone in it'. 'So not a tried and tested method. I don't think I will bother if you don't mind'. He is feckin useless on this nature trail stuff and so unwilling. I am sure other husbands are willing to taste poo in the woods to determine the bum it has come from. Then we went deeper into the woods and we found a little waterfall and a babbling brook. It was lovely. We couldn't go in it because we never had us wellies. And to be fair Mines Mr Husband still only has one. I am still looking for another. I told him I was really cheered up and really happy. I offered him sex again but he said he would have to decline -I shan't offer again I shan't. Then we found the place where the bears had their picks nicked. Feckin furious they was. They are better behaved nowadays I have noticed. You know usually they shit behind the trees? But now they don't. They do it in little black bags and leave it front of the trees for the park warden when he comes. Nice Idea I thought. Polite. On the way out of the woods we heard crunching. It was a only a feckin bear eating a bag of crisps. He was too busy too notice us. We sneaked away sharpish. I photographed him but it hasn't come out. Then we returned to the pond and watched the moorhens and the gooses. Then Mines Mr Husband suddenly remembered we had duck food in the car. Shall we try the duck food he asks? 'No thanks', I said. 'I am not hungry at the moment and I was rather hoping for fish and chips this evening'. So we left it in the car. Then after I asked a woman which part of the sign didn't she understand about keeping dogs on feckin leads and kids as well. Last time I try to point out the error of her ways. I don't think my nose will be straight for some time. Then we went to get some fish and chips and we went to the fair. Well we sat in the car park next to the far. Mines Mr Husband didn't want to ride on anything because he was worried about losing his false teeth. We will go back tomorrow if its still there. I am going to use the serious glue on his teeth. And shall report back forwith!