WE had a fandabbydoozy watsit time today. Firstly I went to
see mines other husband, the first one. He was telling us all about his
girlfriends baggypussy. TMI I declared. Well Mines other Mr Husband says he was
telling me about his girlfriends bag puss which is not the same thing at all.
Then we went to see mines friend Kathy and that was a special treat for her. I
do miss her loads. Then we went to see mines mother and mines father. They was
excited to see us. Mines father was reading his post and he was deciding whether
to help a homeless person for £22.50. I said 'noooo, don't do that- I did that
two years ago and he won't leave now'. He said 'well to be fair he does go to
work, and he does pay the rent and snuggle up to ye in bed to keep ye warm'.
(Tis not strictly true- he does have his own bed because of the problem of
farting and snoring- mine- he can't be coping with it he says. I tells him, I
can't help it- I have a thyroid and stuff '). Then I mentioned to mines mother
that it be that time of the year when the adverts are on. Ye can pay three
squids only for a snow leopard and/or a wonkey donkey. I have several. (Still
waiting on the polar bear but tis a long way from the artic and also we have
moved since I ordered him). She said (mines mother- do keep up!!), she said 'now
then our Beth, don't be ordering anymore wonkey donkeys now ye lives in a
skinny bitch house- thees haven't the room'. I oncurred. Also I agreed. I told
her 'well some of them do look a bit manky this year too as well as wonkey- I
think they be left over from last Christmas'. She said ' Well ye don't be
wanting a manky,wanky donkey'. I know. That is exactly what she said. The room
fell silent for a minute whilst we all ingested what this Christian walmart of
a woman said. We were shocked to the core. Mines little sister (the one with
the issues, day confusion, constipation, accidental blue hair and part time
camel toe- by her own admission) repeated it several times whilst rolling
around laughing. She was like a feckin three year old. I sent mines mother off
to do three hell Marys and make a cuppa tea. I seen another woman in Burnham
with accidental blue hair. I know it was accidental because it was just blobs
on the top- all blobbed about. Nobody does that on purpose! But tis how they
roll over there in Burnham. Anyways we had chocolate cake so all is good. I
came home and took me frock off to remove me bra only to find I turned into a
feckin smurf again. I shall not be panicking like last time. I just shall get
some blue hair dye and to hell with it. I hope ye all appreciate this post. My
arferitis has been a bugger and a half today and me leg has locked up and mines
Mr Husband is having to drag me naked around the bedroom to try to uncease me!!
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