Wax that Crack and Shift thee Ass

Last night I went and had a bath. T'was not mines birfday or anything. But tis how we roll in this house. Sometimes we do bath. Mines Mr Husband also had a bath. Not at the same time. We too old and cake shaped now. Last time we did this we both got jammed and my arferitic joints locked and we had to have three fire engine and twelve firemen to free us. Well we didn't have to have that many but I thought 'What oh, here be me chance to have a few fireman'. T'was like bath twister without the coloured cirlces. Anyways last after mines bath, (mines bath last night- not the one with the fireman. Not that I bathed with the fireman!) I got back downstairs and do ye know what I found? Well I tell ye. T'was mines Mr Husband sat naked as naked can be on mines peanut coloured leather sofa! Not a stitch on. Nuffink. 'What the feck ye be doing?' I asked. He looked surprised. 'Just watching telly' he answered casually. Just watching feckin telly? Sat there on my peanut coloured leather sofa, naked, just watching telly! He had no shame. He has no shame that man. He made no attempt to get dressed whatsoever. 'What ye doing naked on my peanut coloured leather sofa with no clothes on?' I demanded to know. He then spouted all this stuff about it being his sofa too and who pays the rent. Blah blah. And then he asked 'would he complain if Johnny Depp should be sat here on ye peanut coloured leather sofa with no clothes on?'.  What kind of a question is that to be asking a girl. Of course I wouldn't be complaining, I would be moaning so I would. So then I asked him a very personal question( Mines Mr Husband that is- not Johnny Depp- there wouldn't be time for questions with Johnny Depp!) - 'Have ye ever thought about getting ye crack waxed?'. Well then he looked shocked. Anyone would think this kind of question was well beyond my thinking. 'What a strange thing to ask me ye little fruitcake', he said. 'Why did ye ask me that?'. 'Well' I said 'just that when ye was off hob knobbing with big knobs I waxed the sofa with ye olde Lord Sheraton, and I haven't cleaned it off yet'! He gave me a shocked WTF look and then considered his position on my peanut cooured leather sofa. When he thought about it he soon shifted his arse then. He flew off that sofa. He won' t be sitting down for long at work tomorrow that be for sure!! On the plus side I don't have to clean that wax off me self now!!