THANKYOU
all for being part of my life and sharing my life's journey with me. Some of
you know about the 'black dog' in my life and how he follows me round fecking
barking and snapping at mines heels. But with your friendship, encouragement
and love I keep him on his lead and at bay. Thank you for being there when all
seems lost and you pick me up and put me back on me feets. You, yes YOU, you
may not think you say or do much but every time you like my blogs or facebook
status, or just leave a little comment you keep me going. This year started at
an all time low for me but it has got better and I have got stronger. Thank you
for being there for me- each and everyone of you from my bottom.
As I already pointed out Tis nice that face
book will pick a few of your memories for you- but last year it picked out as
the most favourite moment for me the day I wore mines knickers inside out. So I thought I would have a little look back
mines self and pick out mines own memories. We have lots of fun days out and I
have treated mines Mr Husband to many groundhog fathers days out which has seen
him visit Torquay and Dawlish and Sidmuff and Tinmuff and Exmuff and a few days
in Dunelm. But here are some of the other highlights that pop into my mind.
T'was
the year I went on holiday with mines little 'nipple tweaking' sister (the one
with the issues, day confusion, constipation, part time camel toe (by her own
admission) and accidental blue hair). I didn't know she was a nipple tweaking
sister until we went on holiday but I found out the hard way. Wasn't just me
and her on holiday, was also mines mother and father. Also it seems there was
other peoples on holiday as well. Was just like it was when we was little but
without our pesky brothers ( Shrek- the one with aversion to soap and water (he
be a dirty fecker), the one with the aversion to peas and is of a nervous
disposition (he be a fussy eater), and the other one, the one with a deficit
order (he be hard to pin down). Also mines other little 'part time' sister
wasn't there (the psychotic, stressy one with the full time camel toe) so it
was a nice holiday all in all. That was in March. In May mines Mr Husband had
his hard earned promotion whipped from under his nose by the BFG (Big Fat Git)
with the aid of his spy in the huddle. Bang- there went me new sofa. Just like
that! To say I was outraged is an understatement. But oh Karma is a bitch and
we are having many last laughs. And you know what they say about who laughs
longest- he has a sense of humour. Well at least that's what we say. July we
left behind the cold damp cottage with the log burner. We said goodbye to him
at number 5 with the ropey old cock that was replaced with a nice shiny new
one, Pretty Young Thing next door with the Hot Hunky Marine Husband and the
Screamy baby, Her at number 3 who liked to drive on the path and loved a swig
of Gin, (and who got an accidental eyeful of mines boobies when I was flashing
at mines husband in order to secure me some cream for mines pudding). We left
behind Jean at number 4 with the little white yappy dog and she at number 6
with a face like a cat shitting razor blades. We also left behind having to sit
night after night by the front door with me fire extinguisher in one hand and
me bra in the other- just in case the log burner caught fire. And I don't have
to get on buses anymore just because on a little trip to the post box I have
happened to sit in a bus shelter for a rest. Instead we have a nice new skinny
bitch house on an a skinny bitch estate where everyone goes jogging- apart from
me and the family size gateaux shaped woman with the integrated bike rack
across the road. It is a nice house, bit small and we have no room for our
furniture and we have to do a vertical limbo dance just to have a shower. Other
than it is ok. I can see us living here a long time as long as we don't put on
any weight. In September t'was a very unmemorable birthday so I don't think I
will even mention that! That was no birthday of mine I tell ye. Also in
September I booked an impromptu holiday and took mines Mr Husband to Cornwall. We went here,
there and everywhere, over hill and over dale and he did an impression of a
cockle on a rock. And didn't know how to get down. I was worried. I said 'where
have ye put the life insurance and throw me the keys to the car in case ye
falls off that cliff'. In August we took mines girly Anna for birthday dinner
and she was cheered up with steak and chocolate cake and she cheered me up too.
Also we took mines little stepson to the zoo. He learned about twerking and
wrecking balls, courtesy of yours truly in demonstration mode. Just lucky that
there was a twerking ball already in the elephants house. In April the doctor told
me I had arferitis and a dodgy hip (although to be fair she was only repeating
what I had been telling her for ages). She insisted my hip action was quite
good ( a fact borne out mines Mr Husband many times). Sadly T'is less so now.
Mines Mr Husband has to cup my bum in his hand and help me up the stairs of a
night time. The Osteopath wanted me to
take up Aquawhatsitfeckingbics but I refuse on the grounds it has to be done in
a swimming pool and ye don't know who has peed in there! Twas the month of June
the month the parcel man got tied up with bubble wrap and sticky tape and spent
a week under mines stairs and mines Mr Husband also had the sticky tape and
bubble wrap treatment and spent four days in a box. Never let it be said I
don't know what to do with men. Especially when they gets under yours feets.
October
saw the publication of mines book 'The Three little Pigs' A west country tale
(for adults with a sense of humour). Massive thankyous to all of you who have
purchased it and left fantastic feedback - could you please nip over to Amazon
and leave feedback? And if ye haven't bought your copy yet- why not? Go on be a
devil- ye know ye want to. Ye can have a paperback copy to hold in ye hand and
ye can even send it to me to be signed. Or ye can download a copy for ye
devices. Go on- ye knows ye wants to.......... Why not buy it for someone for
Xmas??
So there
it is- and by no means all of it yet (I still have more), holidays (x2- done
well this year), nipple tweaking, twerking, zoos, new friends made, peoples
captured and kept under the stairs, a new house, some new plants for the
garden, some great day trips, my first book, some new friends and some fecked
off because they weren't really friends at all. Oh and Mines Mr Husband had a
nose bleed.
If ye
wants to be reminded of mines adventures- ye might need a break from the family
at xmas and need a bit of cheering up ye can always scroll through mines
facebook pages or ye can nip over to my blogs on blog spot. http://bizzylizziesramblings.blogspot.co.uk/
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