I bet ye all be thinking that Beth is being quiet. I bet ye be all be thinking she be havin another day with her kids. Well as nice as that be I not been. But I did for the first time in seven years spend some much needed, if emotional time with them all. Mines Mr Husband bought me a new notebook so I can do updates to mines blogs in the middle of the night or the middle of nowhere even. Today I realised I did need a little mouse for mines new notebook. I thought oooh- I could do with a little mouse for this yer notebook. Well a dormouse really. Not just any ol mouse. I am not very good with this touchy feely clicky doodah watsit on this thing. Or any such thing with a clicky doodah watsit on any thing. I like a mouse. So I dragged mines Mr Husband to Currys to pick one out and he didn't mind- he likes it in there. He went off to look at things and left me to mines own devices. Mouse devices in particular. It all went quite well until I got stuck back to back with a man in the aisle. A nice man. A very nice man with a very nice bum. We rubbed bums. To be fair he did have a very, very nice bum and I wasn't in hurry to move. Then his wife appeared from a puff of smoke or somewhere like it and accused me of twerking with her husband. Me of all people. Twerking. Can ye believe that? Mines Mr Husband has said I have to apologise to Currys for the pandemonium that ensued – turns out they haven't forgotten the business with the vacuum thing last time I was in. Tis not mines fault if they put things where I can reach things. I am bound to fiddle with such things. Tis true I did leave a spot or two of dust when it fell apart but its not like they haven't got lots of vacuums. Also I set all the timers on the cameras to go off at various times and take pictures of random customers. It seemed like a good idea at the time but they complained about being flashed. Mines Mr Husband thinks it was a step too far to set all the alarm clocks to go off at random times too but I think that it keeps the staff on their toes- just in case they nod off. Some do look a bit docile at times. Of course mines son was not one of these when he worked in there. He was alert and on the button. Beside I brought him up to know that Britain needs Lerts. Anyways the guy with the very, very nice bum I know I should apologise but truth is me ol' cocker ye do have that kind of bum that attracts a twerker. And really Currys should be thanking me. The pandemonium made all the other customers think there was a run on mouses and keyboards and the aisle got rushed and there was no mouses left of any sort. So tomorrow we still have to find a mouse somewhere. Anyways I probably can't go in there for a bit. Then after it all calmed down and the security persons let us go we wented to Tesco. Mines Mr Husband said I should apologise to all the people who have now probably got home and found three bags sprouts in thems shopping trolleys that they didn't put in there. The thing is the shelves were loaded with thems and Tesco couldn't shift them. Now I didn't buy any obviously because whilst I like sprouts they don't like me. Whilst they do like Mines Mr Husband he doesn't like them. He has had two this year – just to be sociable. That is two sprouts not two bag fulls or even two plate fulls. I am also sorry to that man who spent a lot of time looking for his nuts. I am sorry, I pinched them. I know ye poor little fecker- he thought he had lost his marbles as well as his nuts. But ye did have the last ones and I did need some. Anyways I digress. I needed to clear the sprouts so that the nice man could bring some fresh carrots because we did want carrots. They only had mankywanky carrots and we don't want them. So now tomorrow we have to have the carrot fiasco again where I send mines Mr Husband to the Co-op for one carrot and he refuses to go for just one carrot on the grounds ye cannot buy just one. Remember last time he brought carrot cake as well. And sausages. And Milk. And Biscuits. In fact if I cannot walk to Co-op I think we may have to forget the carrots altogether and improvise. We do have lots of cheese. Mines Mr Husband said he doesn't want cheese with his roast dinner. I told him to be grateful. There are be-afrans who would be glad of it.
I also buyed mineself a big box of chocolates as a present to mineself for being a feckin fantastic wife. And nope I shall not be sharing them- sharing I shan't be. Anyways it don't say nuffin about sharin on the box. T'is the real reason I shuffle Mines Mr Husband off to his own bedroom. I can sit here in mines bed eating chocolates without sharing. Highly recommended ladies. He has been questioning my current pickled onion addiction. I have told him its not a new thing- I have always had it. I am only just coming out in the open with them. He doesn't like pickled onions either. Win, win for me. To be fair he does keep sneaking off to have a bite of a rather large pork pie that he bought. I don't want it anyway. Its out of date by three days. Its a mankywanky pork pie. Plus we don't have PPI for it (pork pie insurance). If he wants to be sick and have a belly ache he can. We have life insurance.
I also had a nice time with mines mother and mines father. Mines father has a laminator now. I think he wanted a terminator but he got a laminator. He is laminating everything. Mines Mr Husband got laminated yesterday. I just slipped though the net be the skins of me teef. Mines mother was very well behaved but I am putting this down to the fact she has been poorly and probably been laminated. She told me the osteopath told her to put two tennis balls in a sock and rest them behind her neck to ease the pain in her neck. Its not working he is still living there. Anyways she says any balls will do if ye haven't got tennis balls. Mines Mr Laminated Husband is been draped over the back of the sofa all day long wearing nothing but a sock. She is right- it doesn't work but it sure keeps him outta mischief.
Now I will be off to work on my end of year blog- a look back at what I have learned and what I have not learned. Also to look for some new shops I have not been yet banned from for mines naked and twerkingness. Tis all about whipping the nae nae this coming new year I fear.
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