Orgasms, Quality Sausages, Balls and Bushes

After reading yesterdays blog mines Mr Husband says he thinks I have learnt more than I am letting on so I had to have a think- I remember these things that I learned:

If ye are going to have a sausage- make sure it be good quality. Never have less than a bit of a good quality sausage.

Wearing socks to bed gives ye better orgasms. I wears nice thick fluffy socks all the time now- be prepared is what I say!

I learned if ye gets to close to the edge ye can get ye balls tangled in the bush. Not nice.

Ye can get away with many visits to Dunelm (whether ye needs new towels or not) if ye tells ye husband that tis fathers day again. I plead here with mines stepsons not to send anything for fathers day because he will then have an excuse not to go to Dunelm! And I will run out of excuses to go!

Tis mines Mr Husbands birthday very soon- Yay he be 55 (or so he says- I am never quite sure to believe him). Last years birthday I learned it matters not how long I spend or how many dead animals I collected for him he never be pleased with mines efforts. Next year he be getting 55 blow jobs. Well I be buying him 55 balloons. Same thing. And I am having cake.

And even today I have had a lesson- when ye removes a bowl of water from the sink to take out and wash away unknown creatures that be a cross between a slime and a squirm and won't die even with salt, make sure the tap don't get turned on by mistake. Why I hear ye cry? I tell ye- it be because ye floods yer feckin kitchen and ye haves to clean it all up and it takes a feckin age. I could have done with the super powers of mines little sister today to give me a hand with that! I be fair knackered now. On the plus side the kitchen is now nice and clean. Happy new feckin year!!

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