Tis end of
year. I not be doing sloppy stuff cos ye all knows how I feel about ye all. I
loves ye all to the moon and back.
But ye
knows I likes to recap on things learned by moi. No point in anything if ye
don't learn anything from ye experiences.
Go on then
Beth I hears ye all cry 'tell us what have ye learnt- we be dying to know'.
Well I will tell ye!
I learned
not to belch and fart at the same time- the hard way.
I learned
if the tax man loses thee he can deport thee- even if ye don't come from abroad
- so always have an exotic location in ye minds.
Tis always
a good idea to take ye bath mats on ye holidays (few pictures and ornaments)
and don't let ye husband see in ye suitcase or he will take 'em out. T'was how
I ended without the shower curtain.
Always
know where ye husband keeps the life insurance in case he gets stuck upon a
feckin cliff on ye holidays.
I learnt
to whip me nae nae- something else to add to my repertoire of entertainments
beach walls, supermarkets and for parties (of which I don't go to many of-
although I have been known to go to one or two un-invited if I have spied an
open door).
People un-friend
you if you voice strong opinions over jam sponge puddings- or even your hopes
and dreams for yous kids.
T'is easy
to have ye tits printed on coasters and even ye little bullfinches.
Ye can be
taken just about anywhere with mines Mr Husband- twice on a railway track in
one day even! (Although when he tied me there and told me to wait for a train I
got a teeny weeny bit suspicious.)
I learned
not all our new neighbours like Elvis. But it will grow on them.
I learned
every family as at least one cockmuppet or one f*ck nugget. Sadly we seem to
have many of both. Also it seems we have some who are still attention seeking
past their age of 50 even! But we ignore them in the hope they go away.
I learned
that Gary's are
a dying breed. We don't wanna lose Gary's.
So I have renamed all the kids on the estate Gary- even the girls. Especially the girls.
I learned
that 'try before ye buy' doesn't apply to sun beds in Homebase- although mines
Mr Husband said they probably wouldn't have minded quite so much if I hadn't
insisted on stripping off. Still try again in 2016. God loves a trier.
I leaned
not to let have Mines Mr Husband have the marker pen and packing tape when we
are packing to move. He just runs amok with it. Tut tut tut.
I learned
not to flash boobies at husband when he is in video conference with boss.
Tis simple
enough mistake to mix up Jupiter with Uranus. Uranus is much smaller. Except
hers across the road- ye know the family size gateaux from Iceland shaped
one- the one with the integrated bike rack.
Fitness
pants do not make ye fitter!! Although tis good to get down on floor and do
exercise cos ye can find lost chocolates and biscuits- even if bit dusty and
damp still good for eating.
If ye doos
'The Cat' when ye doing Yogi ye can a) fall off back of sofa and b) ye can be
arrested. Tis against the law to do ye cat- (but not ye sheep if ye are Welsh).
Stuffing a
sofa when ye are naked is feckin hard work - ye haves to keep ye nipples away
from the springs.
If ye
haves a spoonful of cinnamon a day in a drink ye can lose weight. I haves mine
in a nice glass of Baileys.
I learned
Dreams do come true so keep followings thems feckers.
Finally I
should, once again, thank all of ye who bought my book, and thank thems that
actually read it, all of ye who have liked my status's and hit the 'follow'
button- (mine that is). Those who follow me on blogspot and Google. And I want
to thank mines lovely kids for loving me and mines little sister (the one with
the issues, day confusion, constipation, accidental blue hair and part time
camel toe by her own admission) for keeping me fringe straight. Have a great
2016 and keep ye eye out for me new books and I have learned apparently tis
easy to make a music CD in ye owns bedrooms now- so I am thinking me and Elvis
here could even do that for ye all. Happy New Year.xxx
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