Swallows, Erection Road show, and Nights of Passion

This week in my mad life..................

When we went upstairs last night we looked out the back to see what the wildlife was doing. We spotted a swallow. 'Look' mines Mr Husband said, ' a swallow. That means summer is here'. I promptly reminded him that one swallow doesn't make a summer. He then reminded me 'but it does make a man happy'. Then he glimpsed a baby rabbit. 'Aw look' he said. 'Is that a baby rabbit stuck under that gate'. I looked too. 'No mines Mr Husband', I said, 'it's a trapped hair'. Then mines Mr Husband looked down the gardens and pointed out that PTYND (pretty young thing next door) had her bush in full bloom and how nice it looked. At this pointed I poked him in the eye before he could do it to me and I drew the curtains. I notice this morning her bush is looking a bit worse for wear. Think it took a battering last night!

I learned that you mustn't put all your eggs or logs in one basket - cos your husband may take it to the tip without asking if you want rid of it. You could lose your eggs and all your logs in one go. It may not be your basket. It may belong to your landlady and then when you move out you will have to find a whole lot of money to buy a new one!

Earlier this year I learned that Timbuktu is a real place and this week I have further learned that so is Kathmandu - which are incidentally close to each other. Who knew that these were real! Next I will learn that 'up Crews Hole behind the wallpaper is real'. I am now trying to establish if Nocando is real too! 

I learned the Victorians used to clean their teeth with sugar beet. I sometimes have cake for breakfast. I guess this amounts to the same.

Steph on breakfast has been doing an erection road show all this week.  Wednesday she was in Hornchurch- I kid ye not. Best place to go if ye ask I when doing an erection road show. I could have done that little job I reckon. Keep it up Steph.

That awkward moment when you have complained to the nice delivery woman about that other driver from the other parcel place who is as scruffy as a tramp and whiny and moany about everything. 'Felt like telling him to feck off miserable old git' I tells her. She laughed then said 'Sure it wasn't my husband, he had the blue car last week and he done my deliveries'. We laughed together -oh how we laughed. Then as I shut the door I realised that IT was indeed her husband! Whoops! Guess who's deliveries will always be bottom of the pile from now on!!

That moment when you decide an early night would be nice. You donne your nice new black silky nightshirt and lure a man (in this instance mines Mr husband) to the bedroom and you stand all sexy and alluring and he looks you up and down and then he says 'your buttons are all done up wrong and you got your bed socks on back to front'. That my friends is why we have a bookcase in the bedroom. Reckon I might put some books on it for passion killed moments like this.

 And finally I see An Exeter woman is looking for volunteers to climb mount Kilamanjaro- I am going to send her a list later of people that I volunteer- starting with the brown nose creep who stole my husbands promotion. That will teach to steal other peoples promotions.

And not only but also I discover at this late hour that today is naked gardening day. I think if I am quick I will still have time to trim me bush.