This Morning:
On the way to the chemist to get my lady magnet and my prescription:
Me: 'Oh Mines Mr Husband, the doctor has put my age on here.
She says I am 51. I love her'.
MMH: 'Well, you are 51'.
Me: 'No I'm not. I am 52'.
MMH: 'Not until September Sweetheart'.
Me: 'I think you will find that I am 53 in September'.
MMH: 'No, do the Maths. You were born in 63 and its 2015,
because you haven't had your birthday yet you will 52'.
Me: 'Are you sure?'
MMH 'Yes Darling, I am good with Maths'.
Me: 'Wow, I am so excited I could pee me pants. I have
gained a whole year'.
MMH 'No, you have just lost one'.
(I think this depends on how one looks at this) however I am
so excited and it put me in a good mood.
Me: 'Well that has put me in a good mood and I am super
happy. Do you want to have sex now I am in a good mood'.
MMH 'No not really Sweetheart because I am driving'.
Well I shan't offer again - he had his chance. No good for
him to say I didn't offer.........
(If you want to know what a lady magnet is- it's not the
same as a fanny magnet- it's a little helper for ladies of a certain age with
mood swings and hot flushes- although MMH went into the chemist and asked for
it (quite boldly) and the woman ran round in a flap and had to call the
manageress to help her look for a 'lady maker' for the gentleman in the black
sweater. Nearly peed me pants twice today and it's only lunch time!)
This Afternoon:
This afternoon we went for a nature walk and stuff. Only
there wasn't as much stuffing as I hoped. We took some photos of the terrapins
and the fish and the trees and I was lucky enough to find a fungi in the woods.
I didn't tell mines Mr husband because he had found a random loony who made
friends with him and I wandered off to the woods alone. Then mines Mr husband
came and found me in the woods. We found a den - now it could have been a
badgers home or a fox or even a plain rabbit- we don't go in for them fancy
rabbits down yer in Devon we don't. Just
plain. And we only do two types of rabbit stew- stew with rabbit and stew
without. Anyways I was curious to get a picture of the inhabitant of that den
but even though I got down on my hands and knees and gently chided he didn't
comes out. I said to Mines Mr Husband 'find some poo and taste it'. He looked
horrified. 'Don't be disgusting little fruitcake', he replied. 'I don't intend
to be', I said, 'that's why I am asking you to find it and taste it'. 'What
will that achieve exactly?' he asks. I told him 'We will soon be able to find
out what kind of animal lives there by this experiment if only we can find some
poo. It works I seen it on spring watch'. 'Spring watch?' he repeated. 'Well',
I said, 'Something like that, I think it may have had Tom Hanks or someone in
it'. 'So not a tried and tested method. I don't think I will bother if you
don't mind'. He is feckin useless on this nature trail stuff and so unwilling.
I am sure other husbands are willing to taste poo in the woods to determine the
bum it has come from. Then we went deeper into the woods and we found a little
waterfall and a babbling brook. It was lovely. We couldn't go in it because we
never had us wellies. And to be fair Mines Mr Husband still only has one. I am
still looking for another. I told him I was really cheered up and really happy.
I offered him sex again but he said he would have to decline -I shan't offer
again I shan't. Then we found the place where the bears had their picks nicked.
Feckin furious they was. They are better behaved nowadays I have noticed. You
know usually they shit behind the trees? But now they don't. They do it in
little black bags and leave it front of the trees for the park warden when he
comes. Nice Idea I thought. Polite. On the way out of the woods we heard
crunching. It was a only a feckin bear eating a bag of crisps. He was too busy
too notice us. We sneaked away sharpish. I photographed him but it hasn't come
out. Then we returned to the pond and watched the moorhens and the gooses. Then
Mines Mr Husband suddenly remembered we had duck food in the car. Shall we try
the duck food he asks? 'No thanks', I said. 'I am not hungry at the moment and
I was rather hoping for fish and chips this evening'. So we left it in the car.
Then after I asked a woman which part of the sign didn't she understand about
keeping dogs on feckin leads and kids as well. Last time I try to point out the
error of her ways. I don't think my nose will be straight for some time. Then
we went to get some fish and chips and we went to the fair. Well we sat in the
car park next to the far. Mines Mr Husband didn't want to ride on anything
because he was worried about losing his false teeth. We will go back tomorrow
if its still there. I am going to use the serious glue on his teeth. And shall
report back forwith!
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