Blow Jobs, Stripping and Stuffing

Whoopee, today I get to go to Dunelm (two days in a row). Forget a meal in a fancy restaurant, forget a day at the races in the royal box, or tea with the queen (I have been known to turn these down in the past- well the fancy restaurant thing anyway) just let me loose in Dunelm with a trolley for a couple of hours and I am in heaven. What gal doesn't love a lovely treat such as this?...............

Oh mines Mr Husband is in pure heaven. I bought him a new stapler to staple the bottom back on the sofa. He is sooo happy and so impressed. I am buying him staples for Christmas!

I read that beards can be covered in pooh. Oh hell, that is disgusting (but not surprising- men are fecking dirty gets- they think soap is an ornament and water is for making coffee only!!)  Anyways as for beards I have shaved mine off now-so no pooh here!

Mr Cameron sent me an email. He wants my help. I thought what could Mr Cameron possibly want my help with. Me a poor working class gal thats currently disabled and outta work? Perhaps I thought he wants some ideas on running the country. (I do have a comprehensive list) Or someone to meander through his bank statements to see where savings could be made. Or perhaps some money saving tips for his shopping? Or some furnishing ideas from Dunelm.  Does ye know what he wants? He only wants me to give him twenty quid. Yes. Twenty feckin quid. Not even lend. He actually used the word give. Well donate. Even the kids don't use donate and give even tho that's what they mean. Well Mr Cameron, as much I would like to help ye, I ain't got a pot of me own to piss in. So please ask someone else. Ye Gods! What next. Just take the feckin food straight outta me mouth why don't ye!

Trawling homes for rent and came across graves for rent (albeit in Greece but never let it be said I am always open to new ideas). I ran the idea past mines Mr Husband who pointed out that he thought you needed to be dead for that. I tell ye, he is always pissing on my cornflakes. Anyways, no harm in looking.............

Little note to self and bit of advice for you all- if your man asks you for a blow job he doesn't mean with the nozzle attachment of the vacuum cleaner- apparently! Gee waiting times in  A & E are long these days!

Never name something you are going to eat I have been told. That my friends is why I haven't eaten my kids! Yet.

I am exhausted, we spent two days stripping and stuffing. Mines Mr Husband has done such a good job I said 'mines Mr Husband you could take this up for a living'. Anyways he don't wanna be an upholsterer even if he has  made our  knackered sofa  look like new.

Mines Mr Husband can't be taking me on adventures this week because we shall be house hunting. So I will have to make something up. BRB.