Mothers Bush, Tits and Naked at the Traffic Lights

Been to the osteopath again yesterday. We was a bit late because I delayed us by nattering and all the red lights hated us. I said to mines Mr Husband- shut your eyes because I am going to strip off now then I can save time when I get in there. That was when he nearly killed the cyclist. Mines Mr Husband I mean, not the Osteopath. When I got there a girl came out all dreamy and swoony and saying 'Oooh, that was lovely- soooo nice'. I looked him in the eye and said 'I'll have what she has just had if you please'.  He had some nice candles burning (the osteopath, not the cyclist. Keep up!!). I asked him if it was necessary, was it because they hadn't paid the electric bill again. He said it wasn't- it was to create 'ambience'. Feckin ambience my arse. I pointed that it was dangerous to have candles lit in a small room where I was. He said it would be alright because I would be laid face down on the table and they were not near any curtains- safety was paramount. I said 'yeah, but remember last time- I farted, created my own ambience and blowed all the candles out at the same time'.  And just as if someone switched on a light on he remembered and put all the candles out. (No not outside). Also this time he told me to keep me socks on because I was creating just a little bit too much ambience with me feet. And I didn't come out with a silly grin all dreamy and swoony so I don't think I had what she had!

Then we went and visited mines mother and mines father. Mines Mr Husband was in awe of mines mothers bush and commented on how neatly trimmed it was- just before he asked if he could go into the back garden and have a look at her tits again- shortly before she lamped him! Still misunderstandings all understood now and thankfully we have been invited back.

Tip of the day- Dog shampoo is just as good to wash your hair with and shower as any other and always handy if you have a dirty dog that you share the shower with. (I know this for a fact because I overheard a woman in the B&M shop reassuring her friend it was ok. Get all the best tips from eavesdropping on people in shops! Now we have to buy a dog!