Naked bounces, sex and teapots

Well I have managed to convince mines Mr Husband that not one but two visits to Dunelm were necessary today. I told him the children were paying me to take him regularly for fathers day treats. We even managed to get in after yesterdays adventure. I fooled them by having a naked bounce on a different bed. I asked mines Mr Husband if he would like to have sex on this one with me - that caused a bit of consternation among a couple of old ladies nearby looking at artificial flowers but I see they keep peeping anyway. Perverts old ladies. Then I went upstairs and had a swivel in me chair. I have placed a large notice on it now -'Do not sit on this chair- it is a choking hazard' (i.e if I finds anybody on it I will choke them!). This evening I had to go back. Just to make sure no-one had sat on it. Mines Mr Husband will buy this for me when he wins tipping point. Also tonight I found a very handsome guy in there- just stood there. Not quite your Johnny Depp but not too bad at all. I thought he looks nice and he looks a bit lonely. I think he was an assistant. So I sidled up and had a conversation about everything from the fact I like cream on my porridge and mines Mr Husband says you can have it without cream (he talks out of his hat!-of course you can't) and to my adventures with my wrecking ball and mines mothers uncles boil on his bum. Also I mentioned my little sister (the one with the issues and the day confusion- but not the other one (the psychotic, stressy one with all the kids and the camel toe). To be fair I did most of the talking. Well, all of the talking. Well that's my kind of man is that. A good listener without interrupting and calling you a fruitcake every five minutes. Then Mines Mr Husband turns up and says 'Now what are you doing mines little fruitcake' (see what I mean!!). I thought 'eh up, someone's jealous me thinks'- so I said to him 'eh up, someone's jealous me thinks' He looked annoyed at me and said 'I am not jealous, I just wondered what you were doing'. I winked at the other guy and I said to mines Mr Husband 'I am just having a chat with this nice good looking assistant about the price of teapots'.  He took me by the arm- mines Mr Husband (not the nice good looking assistant) and he said 'Come on fruitcake lets get you home and get you your meds and a nice cuppa tea and if you are good you can come back and talk to the cardboard man another day. If you are really good I will see if we can get you one to stand in the living room to talk to when I am at work'. I have no idea what he was talking about. So I winked at the nice good looking assistant and said my goodbyes and when we got home I gave Mines Mr Husband the meds tonight. He is sleeping like a baby now.