Another funny week
Tuesday - I can't believe what a misery arse mines Mr
Husband is. Would you believe that now, not only I am not allowed to take my
ironing board and exercise bike on holiday- he has actually made me unpack the
ornaments and three pictures I had packed. He says we are going for a week and
not feckin moving in. I know that ye eejit husband. I always think ye needs to
make yeself feel at home on holiday. He said 'as it is ye have only booked us
in three miles down the road, we can pop back if ye needs to see ye feckin
ornaments'. Don't know why I bother sometimes!
Thursday - Oh my- you should see the tiny bit of clothes
Mines Mr Husband has packed for holidays- whoopee- leaves room for ornaments!!
Also he has packed swimming trunks- I have asked him 'what ye packs they for to
go on holiday?' He said he might go swimming. 'Well', I said to him 'Ye haven't
in 12 years, so I don't see it happening now'. So I took the swimming trunks
and replaced with an ornament. Taking up feckin valuable ornament space with
feckin trunks. What next? I asked if it was ok to take books. He said yes- I
thought he would. He likes books. 'Good' I said 'how many boxes of books can I
take?'. He looked at me (somewhat despairingly I thought) and said ' One. One
book. Not one box'. Feckin cheers Mines Mr Husband- we only have the cookery
books unpacked so far. I am opting for the 'greedy girls cookbook'. I am not
letting him share mine. He might want to start experimenting in the kitchen and
that always leads to heartburn.
Wednesday: So Far mines Mr husband has unpacked : The hand
held cleaner; the bath mats; shower curtain; spare shower head; ornaments and
three pictures; picture hanging set; hammer; set of saucepans (they always of
have old knackered ones on holiday that your food sticks to); frying pan
(ditto); set of basins; electric whisks; electric heater (WTF? it will be sure
to be cold- and I know it is central heated but it might not be on!) However he
has let me keep packed matches; pens; torch; and a ball of string.
Friday -
Well that was one of those nights that you wish you hadn't
bothered to go to bed! Two hours sleep. Awake for five hours and one hour nap!
And to top it all MMH was sat on the edge of his bed last night in his nuddy
pants after his bath (cos that's how we bath in this house - call us old
fashioned) I was just out of the shower also in my nuddy pants (cos that is
also how we shower in this house) down on mines knees getting the hair dryer
out (unbeknown to MMH) when he unwittingly asks for a blow job. I don't think
he will be so quick to ask in future! He will at least check l am not holding
my super duper hairdryer in my hand. I don't know whether it was the extra hot
setting that did for him or the diffuser attachment. Either way it will be
sometime before he can walk straight again!!
We did engage in some pillow talk last night (after the hairdryer incident)
where it transpired that Mines Mr Husband lives with me and exercises great
patience and tolerance. I asked why? Why the feck? He didn't seem to need much
time to think about this. Apparently I have a lot of quacks and fur balls. One
of them he suggests is that I am very clean but not very tidy. I pointed out
that he is very tidy but not very clean- and I know which I would rather be!
Cleanliness is next to Godliness me ol' granny used to say. She also used to
say put clean knickers on when ye goes out in case ye gets hit by bus. I guess
ye don't want all the passengers on the bus saying 'did ye see the state of her
drawers?'. Anyways, not only but also, mines Mr Husband, now living dangerously
continues that I lack 'logic'. What the feck??? 'I am,' I tell him, 'the most
logical person I know of '. He says 'well ye don't now many peoples do ye?'. I
have to remind him I am big in Alaska.
Then he tells me I am beautiful (altogether now - AWW) then, get this, he claims
that he is the one with the brains. 'Yes,' I says 'they are in your little
furry balls' (which incidentally now dangle from his ears). I am not the one
who went on a national game show with a head full of useless knowledge that
didn't win us any money because I was sidetracked by a damsel in distress and therefore
I forgot to use my brains. Now he is going to write me a list of all my quacks
and fur balls. There could be another divorce statistic looming me thinks! He
wants to be grateful we don't have enough feckin paper in this house for me to
write a list of his!!
AND REMEMBER this guys - Happiness comes from within- that
is why it is good to fart.
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