Monday: Mines Mr Husband laying in the bath naked (cos
that's how we roll in this house- naked in the bath), I even puts water in for
him tonight. Then I spied two shiny round shaped things bobbing about in the
water- I bent over mouth open wide when Mines Mr Husband shouts 'Ye Gods what
ye doing woman?'. I said 'T'is Halloween at time for all things goolies and I
am playing that game- trying to buy shining round shaped things bobbing about
in water'. Ye never seen a man get out a bath so quick and put his minion
trousies back on!!
Wednesday: We had
lovely adventures today. Although I did have a couple of falls and a few bumps.
Tomorrow I will be in masses of pain- I just know it. On the plus side I didn't
pee me pants!! On the top of Dartmoor I see a
man taking a picture of me. To be fair I take pics of random people. I said to
Mines Mr Husband 'Look, that man is taking pictures of me'. He said 'Why would
he? you are not naked'. Well that was that - I heard the word naked and before
you could say Bobs Your Uncle and Fanny is your aunt I was naked. I thought if
he was going to take pictures of me he would probably like naked more. Talking
of which, since I offered to strip for the letting agent when she come to take
photos- she haven't wanted to take any photos since. Anyways Mr said 'Put your
clothes back on - your toes are going blue'. To be honest it was a bit nipply
noodles. Then a crowd gathered. Surprising really- I couldn't figure out where
all them men come from. We and the man taking the photo seemed to be the only
ones there and then suddenly out of bushes here there and everywhere came funny
little men. Talking of funny little men on the way home we seen a lot of people
dressing up as gnomes. Mr Husband asked if I wanted to dress as a gnome. I said
'Gnome thank you- tis not my kind of thing'. I do have a little friend who
dresses as an elf sometimes but her sex life is her business. Anyways I hope
you all enjoy my Mr Tumnus pictures. Tomorrow is going to be the saddest day.
John (who ever he is) is coming to take our Jag away to the great Jag scrapyard
in the sky. We shall cry. We shall need cake.
Tuesday: Think I have
perfected this fringe cutting thing because now I have worked out if I get the
scissors at the right angle I can do me eyebrows at the same time and get this-
in line with me fringe. If I practice a bit more I may get to include me bush-
tis nearly up to the kitchen window now. This morning Mines Mr Husband said 'I
see you have been cutting your fringe again'. I asked him 'How can you know
this?'- he said 'because of all the hair on your chin- or it could be that you
just haven't shaved today of course.......'. He be skating on thin ice that
man.
Sunday: Mines Mr
Husband came rushing into the house shouting 'Grace, Grace'. Immediately I went
down on my knees and clasped my hands 'Dear Lord, Make me truly grateful for
what I am about to hopefully receive'. Mines Mr Husband said 'Dear God Woman,
what are ye doing on ye knees?' 'I am doing as ye said, I tells him, I am
thanking the Lord for what ye are about to give me'. He looked a bit confused -
'I was just going to give the ye the news that the new baby across the street
is called Grace'. Always pissing on me chips and disappointing me that man.
Friday: So today is
the first day we wake up without our beloved Jag. Mines Mr Husband has taken my
pea and Elvis and gone to work. I said 'What if I need to go somewhere?' He
said 'there is a train at the bottom of the street'. Tis true there is. Trouble
is it don't stop at Dunelm. Note to self : Ring the people who make railways
and ask if they can have the train stop at Dunelm. On the plus side I heard you
can get molested on trains. Might give it go. 'You never know your luck until
yer drawers is down', me mother always says. The quicker Mines Mr Husband saves
36grand for his new Jag the better if ye asks me. Unless anyone out there got 35
grand they don't want I reckon we could raise the rest.
Saturday: Mines Mr Husband said to me 'If ye don't find
yer chin tweezers soon you be going to have bearded tits nestling in between yer
knees.' Umph. I said 'One more comment like that and you will have your knees
nestling between yer fat balls'. Keen bird watchers we be.
Thursday: I went sailing. Bobbing about on the waves. Well
when I say sailing- I had just had a bath. Then I created a vacuum with my bum
and created waves. Same as sailing. Thats how we roll here when we want to go
sailing without a boat!
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