ANOTHER WEEK IN THE CRAZY WORLD OF BETH
TUESDAY: As me holiday draws ever near I am thinking I still
don't have any new knickers to accompany on me trip. Mines Mr Husband, still
looking tent size knickers. I bulk at such garments. He reminds me tis very
nippy up there on that there Bens Nevis. 'Tis ok', I tells him, that means it
will be windy in the valley and the exposed bushes shall take a good blow
through'. He says he don't like the idea
of exposed bushes at all and now he is looking at harvest festival knickers (ye
know the sort- all is safely gathered in- goggy catchers me granny called them)
for me. I am sure tis a lie that knickers are worn regularly north of the
border. I am going to be checking under all the kilts when I get there! I we
will looking for old bag and pipes and unkempt bushes.
WEDNESDAY : Mines Mr
Husband and I (note the regal undertones here) watched the programme about
mediation last night. Unable to believe how pathetic some people are when it
comes to agreeing over the divorce thing. We said that if we ever divorced then
we wouldn't be so childish. I said 'I tell ye what ye have custody of your kids
and I will have custody of mine'. He thought this was a super idea. Then I said
'And we will sell this house and have 50/50 each' He thought that was an even
better idea. Then he said 'The only thing I be wondering- which one of us shall
tell the Landlord?'.....................mmmm tricky- trust him to find a snag.
FRIDAY : Because we have something visits our garden in the
night and re-arranges the egg shell on me border I got Mines Mr Husband to rig
up the CCTV so it's filming me garden. I am having a lovely day today watching
the bath mats and me britches flapping about on the garden line! That's my day
sorted!
SATURDAY ;I was
thinking about packing my bikinis for my holiday in Scotland. I do have some now. Well
I have the bottoms. Mines little sister (not the one with the issues, the day
confusion, the accidental blue hair, the part time camel toe (by her own
admission) and tinny titsus in her ears) - no the other one with the big
boobies, well she gave me some bikinis. Well she gave me the bottoms because
she don't wear them. She kept the tops because she said we could look like
twins in them. Also I think it is one of thems nice gestures like the sisters
necklace- you know you have half each. But we skint bitches so we have done it
with bikinis. Anyways I asked mines Mr Husband 'Do thems wear bikinis in Scotland'- of
course they do he said. I jumped straight up to pack mine- then he added 'when
they go to the swimming pool or on holiday to Spain and sometimes on the one hot
day of the year they have- they have had already had it this year my ickle
pickcle'. So no bikini for Scotland.
Tis settled- I shall have to go naked!
MONDAY: There I am limping round B&Q waiting for the things we are looking for to
jump out at me to save me little legs. You know the kinda things. Velcro
fastening for Mines Mr Husbands crack (in case the gorilla glue wears off on
holiday), u shaped nail things (for same thing) and the odd plant that will
look nice in me garden- it will look nice among all the other odd plants, when
Mines Mr Husband says 'are ye in pain my little luvver?' I says to him ' Of
course I am - I not be limping to try to get me shopping half the price ye
know- I am in pain 24/7 ye knows'. He said 'ye don't very often say it do ye? I
am yours Mr Husband, ye can tell me anything ye knows. Anything ye wants. I
don't mind if ye grumbles about the pain'. What a lovely ol feller he is. 'Aw
that be nice I said- can I tell ye absolutely anythin?'. 'Yes- ye can tell me anything at all' he
said. 'Well I said 'I got wedgie and an itchy bum I think I got a splinter in
it. Will ye take a quick look?'. That was before the man up the ladder fell
off. Not allowed in there either
anymore!
SUNDAY: - I said to mines Mr Husband 'Oooer tis hot in yer
in it don't ye thinks? Dos thee think its hot in yer?' He said 'Yeah but yer
probably hotter than I cos ye are a woman of a certain age. Ye are menopausal
aren't ye'. I had to agree with him- sweat running down from me four heads it
was. Then he said 'Why don't ye takes yer hat and yer scarf and yer gloves off me ol' babbers- ye won't
sweat so much and ye will feel the benefits- tis height of summer ye knows'. I
tell ye he is always pissing on me chips. I was trying 'em on to see if they
still fits for me trip up Ben Nevis. Ye needs
to be warm up there so ye doos. I be worried if I takes 'em off I will have
growed out of 'em before I gets there and then I will be up there and puts them
on in the first time since June and then they won't fits. He don't appreciate
the planning that goes into a holiday that man!
THURSDAY: I made a video about the Orgasm Socks- ye can view
it yer if ye needs to know about them or if ye got ten minutes to spare. Don't
watch it if ye are prone to blushing or swooning. I don't want any of ye coming
over all necessary on my blog. I don't want any of ye coming all over my
necessary blog either!! Copy and paste one or both of the following links- but not a the same time................
https://youtu.be/bhY1Y5dYnY4
OR here https://www.facebook.com/the.sex.kitten1
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