Hot Hunky and Experimenting in the Bedroom

MONDAY - Mines Mr Husband was very kind and took me shopping for holiday clothes today because he reckons they don't go big on nudity up Ben Nevis. He did suggest also I buy new knickers. Tell ye gals, never let a man in his declining years pick ye knickers. I be sure he thought he was picking us a tent- each! Needless to say I have come home knickerless!! The third week of our holiday shall be spent in Suffolk- I hear clothes are an optional extra there. Looking forward to that holiday.

TUESDAY- Tis Tuesdays turn to be forgetted. Cos that's how we roll down yer in Devon. We can miss complete days and not notice. Or care. We are indiscriminate about which day. Also we isn't too fussy.

 WEDNESDAY MORNING- (note we are having a Wednesday this week- not just a morning- but a daytime and an Evening!!). Tis going to be a big night in the Lucas household. Mines Mr Husband wants to come into my bedroom tonight to experiment. He has bought a new contraption. A harness none the less. Tis supposed to stop him snoring. Why he has gone to such expense I don't know when there is gaffer tape in his bed side drawer- along with his torch, his fuses, a screwdriver, string, scart leads and other such strange man type things. I am sure the gaffer tape would work just as well. Anyway he thinks this contraption, this harness is just the job. I think I have to rig it up and hang him upside from the ceiling on it. I am not sure if I want any dangling objects in my bedroom. I don't be liking clutter. Anyways I will let ye know how it goes. Today we are going to Slapped and Laid again. Have a super duper day me ol' babbers. And be good. Or don't get caught!!

WEDNESDAY BEDTIME - Well it's nearly time for the bedtime experiment. Mines Mr husband has said if he disturbs me I am to turf him out. I said 'don't feckin worry I will. Ye can go and sleep with Dane, the hot hunky husband at 51.' Quite rude he was and said 'I will most certainly not'. I said 'ok, suit yourself, I feckin will then'. Sulking in the bath now he is, cos he ain't gotta shed yet.

THURSDAY MORNING- Ye all wondering how it went last night- the experiment in the bedroom. It didn't end well. And neither of us ending up sleeping with Dane, the hot hunky husband at 51- shame for poor Dane. I hooked Mines Mr Husbands harness up to the ceiling and hung up him by one leg. He said 'feckin eeejit ye are woman. Tis not how this works- ye needs the other harness. I bought a BOGOFF deal.' So I ended up attaching two harnesses to the ceiling and left him dangling there. It didn't stop him snoring so I played pin the tail on the donkey for a while just to keep him awake. Then he started again. 'That'll do donkey, that'll do', I cried. Then I hit him with a stick- like you do the panchetta game. I did it until all his loose change and a couple of fillings fell out. Then he begged me to free him from the harness using our secret password 'Get me outta this feckin thing'. He went off to his room muttering- well crying. I am pleased to report that he don't want to experiment in my bedroom anymore!

 FRIDAY -This is why mines muvver and favver makes I laff:

Text from Muvver: Can I ring you?

Text back to Muvver : Mines Mr Husband is asleep so I will ring you.

Me- rings muvver: Hello you ok?

Muvver: Well yes- but we got a couple of problems with the computer. We are worried.

Me: What' wrong with it- we can't get up til next week mind.

Muvver: Well you know the last time you was here and I had trouble with the emails.

Me: Er- yep, you kept sending them to yourself. It works now though yeah?

Muvver: Well remember your Mr Husband sent one to my friend Sue to see if her email address was still valid and she said yes?

Me: Yes- well isn't it?

Muvver: Yes. Well I sent her an email. So she sent me a text to tell me my email was clogging up her computer.

Me: Why, what the hell did you write?

Muvver: Well somehow my computer has sent her 674 photographs from my albums.

Me: (laughing) - ha ha that's so funny. Oh dear- never mind. She will just have to delete them as they come through.

Muvver: Can she do that?

Me: Yes- it may take some time!

Muvver: Yes but I want them all back. How do I get them back? Can I stop them going to her now?

Me: No muvver. They will still be on your computer- unless you have deleted them?

Muvver: Oh- I don't know. How can I tell? How can they still be on the computer if I have sent them all to her? She has them all now!

Me: Don't worry, they will still be on your computer- we will look when we come up. So what else is happening?

Muvver: Well.... your dad and I ..... we have a sex buddy now.

Me: Wow!! Erm.... How, Why? Should you be telling me this??

Muvver: Well yes. We got one in Ukraine but we don't know how we got her. I mean we don't get any emails other than from Currys or Sue. So how did we get a sex buddy in the Ukraine?

Me: (stifling laffs)- I don't know. Did she email you? Did you look for her on a site that does sex buddies?

Muvver: She emailed us- it was in our junk box. We had seven emails so I opened them. And one was from our sex buddy. We didn't give her our email address. How did she get it?

Me: I expect she bought it from Currys. Why are you opening your emails in the junk folder?

Muvver: Cos we don't get any others.

Me: Oh dear that is sad. Well you don't want those ones. It might not be a her. It might be a him. (Muvver gave a gasp!) They could be after information. Or they could contain things that when opened will hurt your computer muvver. Please don't open any mail in the junk box. That's why the computer puts it in there.

Muvver: So what shall I do with this?

Me: Delete it.

Muvver: I do delete stuff but it goes in the Deleted box and then it stays there. I can't get rid of it. The deleted box is just stupid. There is no point to a deleted box if it doesn't delete it.

Me: Next week I will show how to empty it.

Then father walks in:

Favver:  (to my mum- quite excited)- Tell Beth I have a sex buddy in the Ukraine. (note the sex buddy had gone from 'ours' to just 'his'.

Muvver: I did tell her, she says we have to delete it. It might not be a her it might be a him. They might want our information. Or to hurt our computer.

Silence. He leaves the room.

I am sure I detected disappointment. You know what its like- you wait all your life for a sex and just when you think you got a sex buddy and somebody pisses on your chips. Sorry favver!!

SATURDAY -I know that one of the ten commandments is that you shouldn't cover they neighbours arse but when the pork pie shaped person across the road was bent over tending to the family  gateaux size from Iceland shaped ones box it was too much flesh for mines poor eyes to cope with first thing. Ewww- and that integrated bike rack. So I am sorry Lord but I had to throw a blanket over it!

IN THE NEWS  - So a peregrine chick in Suffolk is in rehab after a 23 ft fall from its nest I read today. They don't half start getting peed up at an early age in Suffolk doos them peregrines. He is just a chick and still on the nest. Shameful!

Thats all this week folks. Thanks for reading and sharing and my blogs. You guys rock.