Swinging Nuts, Orange Socks and Party Poppers

It all happens down by yer so it does!

WEDNESDAY:I bet ye all wondering how the electric man got on ain't ye? He was late for starters. When he comed I was impatient. I opened the door and said 'Eelectric man?'- he had EON on his shirt. He said 'No'. I said 'Have ye brought cake and cookies like it says on me door?'- I pointed the notice out cos these peoples aren't always observant. He said 'No- I come to mend the boiler'. I told him if he hadn't brought cake or cookies I didn't know to let him in or not. He said 'look missus I am a supervisor'. I thought 'ooo-er a supervisor' so I grabbed him by the time and dragged him up me hole'. Then he ran back saying he had to lock the van. He came back willingly. Then he was only yer an hour- he has all his equipment out all over me floor and then he said he had to go cos one of his nuts was sheared off. I don't know if he will come back and finish the job. I bet he will send someone else. The same one never comes twice here. Curious indeedy.

SATURDAY: Hers across the road, the family size gateaux from Iceland shaped one with the integrated bike rack, well let me tell yous she is having a baby shower today. I think it means either she is having a baby: or she is having a shower of babies: or he is hosing her down in the yard- but to tell ye the truth these houses are only for skinny bitches and the showers nion impossible to get into without taking the doors off so he often hoses her down in the yard. To be fair she hoses him down as well.  Sometimes they takes them clothes off. Anyways I am put out they didn't consult me about this baby business. I don't want no more screamy brats in this street- no siree. And ye knows what happens when thems womens haves babies- they lets thems bushes go to wrack and ruin. T'wil be a sight for sore eyes outside this winder. And I guess this means all sorts of carrys on been going on in that house of late. I noticed they been going to bed early. I notice stuff like that.  There are lots of cars in the street today and lots of unknown peoples. I have made a few friends. I told them all I have new knickers. Mines Mr Husband said 'ye din't need to tell everybody'- but I am so pleased with me purchase I want to shout it from the roof top! If any of ye wants to see me knickers I can post a picture!!

FRIDAY: Mines Mr Husband came in and said 'I have caught a bug'. Caught a bug! 'Oh, ye dirty fecker I hope ye let it go again- or did ye put it in a jar?- Ye should let the bugs fly free don't ye know?'. He looked at me like I didn't know what he was saying. 'No, I caught a bug' he said again- 'I caught a stomach bug'. Well I tell ye I moved away sharpish. 'For feck's sake man- ye can keep that- and don't get near me with that fecker'. He looked a bit sad but I didn't care ' I have to work' he said. 'what can ye give me for the bug- can ye give me anything for me bug?' he asked. I said 'I can indeedy - I can give thee a cork'. So I did (with instructions accordingly). Well, T'was a party popper. I thought it would be much more fun. I don't think he noticed. Not yet anyways!

THURSDAY: Mines Mr Husband was in a rebellious mood last night. He went to work wearing nothing but his orange socks with the smiley face on. It caused quite a stir I can tell thee. Uproar. 'What's wrong with that?' I hear ye ask. Well I tell ye. He ain't supposed to wear orange socks to work! Also the smiley face is a definite no no-(the Big Fat Git who steals peoples promotions from under thems noses says so!). Feckin misery arses if you ask me!

WEDNESDAY PM:

Whenever I walk into the Dr's it's always the same. Take a seat Mrs Lucas- not next to the fish tank; and not in the children's play area; and don't sit at a table and order an all day breakfast. 'I won't' I said - 'that feckin menu is shite- last time I was in all you had on it was nicotine patches, flu injections and bereavement counselling'. 'Please Mrs Lucas, just take a seat'. Sounded a bit tetchy if ye ask me. I did like I was told and took a seat. I took it and sat in the corridor outside Dr Angry Jones room. She has a welsh name. She speaks English. The reception woman said 'you can sit here in the waiting room next to Mr Worth'. I said 'No fanks- he smells of rich tea biscuits and wee'. Anyways Dr Jones said my bloods weren't too good and now I have to see the rumour whatsit thingy doctor up the RDE place. I am not sure about that place. They carried out the wrong procedure on the wrong person the other day. It could be dangerous to go there it could!!

MONDAY: I just read that half of all women in the workplace are sexually harrassed. Jeez I must get me a job!

TUESDAY: One of those 'oh no not again' moments when you look out the window and see one of your mister husbands fat balls swinging all alone and then along comes two fat birds who start fighting over it! Then you have to go out and shoo them off. This is what my life is like somedays! Fat balls and fat birds and sheared off nuts- not to mention twisted drawers!