In and out and Booby Jiggling

  MONDAY -Yesterday I took Mines Mr Husband to the garden centre for fathers day. I bought him some food for my bush. He was quite excited. In fact he was so excited, that whilst were browsing bushes he farted. One almighty rip roaring fart. He be a dirty fecker. I can't take him anywhere. It was sooo mighty, I kid ye not, he shot a little blackbird behind him. Peoples all round the garden centre laid down on the floor. Some were shouting'he got a gun, he got a gun- he is a terrorist'. I said 'be calm my friends, (I can call them that ..........now!) tis only Mines Mr Husband backfiring. His baffles have gone- he needs a new silencer (yes guys we need more gorilla glue!)- steady yer nerves and give it an hour or two before ye browses the bushes'.  The garden centre rang last night with a bill for all the dead plants and koi carp. So shall have to wear a disguise next time we go there!

 TUESDAY -Yesterday we visited mines muvver and mines favver. T'was pissing down. And they live in the middle of the countryside. T'was not a nice drive. But I was havin a nice sing-along with Beth and Elvis  when suddenly out of the bushes either side of the main road jumps two old peoples with signs saying 'VOTE LEAVE'.  'For feck sake ye pair of eejits I shouts. Ye nearly gave Elvis heart attack'. When we came back they had gone. They had left. On the plus side Mines Mr Husband got a new pair of a shoes and a nice rain hat and I got a new walking stick.

  WEDNESDAY - We didn't have Wednesday this week. Thats how we roll in this part of the world. Sometimes we miss complete days out!

  THURSDAY-Well we been and done the voting thingy.  Before I went I read the rules 'Political clothing in relation to the vote, such as a t-shirt saying 'Vote Leave' or 'Vote Remain', is not allowed as it could be deemed as intimidating.' I wanted to wear me shirt with me mate Dave on. I paid 20squids for to go to his party. Anyways as it happens this no political clothing does not mean show up naked. Who knew? You lives and learns you do! They was still cross with me and said 'thems the rules- and you have to abide by them'. I have read the rules again. Nowhere does it say you must not go naked.  When we comes out the little man says 'how did you vote?' - I said to him 'Don't be feckin nosey - tis secret'. He looked dejected. I showed him my boobies and jiggled them to cheer him up. Mines Mr Husband said that the little man was nothing to do with the voting- he was mending the road. Well  who knew? You lives and learns you do!

  FRIDAY-Whilst we was at the voting thingy yesterday we had a look at what is going on in the area. In our little corner of the world. Mines Mr Husband said ' see if there is anything that you can get involved pickle to get ye out the house a bit'. Didn't seem to be much to me. Not like Burnham where ye can go to the paper aeroplane championships or to the watching paint dry championships. Or even the tin hat society. Anyways here in Cranbook  all I could see was two things that caught my eye. There is a mother and baby coffee morning - as opposed to adult coffee I think. I am going to go. I need to borrow a baby. Also a fun day is on the cards with a pop up bar and face painting. I like a bit of pop up meself.  I Also see Whimple are having a masquerade ball.  It just says about wearing a mask. Yay- I can go naked but in disguise. I don't know why I never thought of this before. Off to buy a mask now! I always wanted one of thems.

  SATURDAY -Now ye all knows I like to share a top tit with ye. So yer is Beth's Top Tit. Well tis a recipe.  Tis a recipe for Champagne Ice Cubes. What ye do is ye gets a bottle of champagne and ye pours it into some ice cube thingymajigs and then ye has to put it into the freezer for so long- well until they are frozen lumps. Keep giving them a little poke. When ye finger don't be sinking in no more then they are probably done. Ye can then add them to any drink. I did this. My tea tastes feckin horrid. And mines Mr husband says his coffee tastes funny. Don't try it folks. Stick to plain ol tea and coffee but not in the same cup cos that tastes disgusting too- I found that out the hard way as well. Serves me right for trying new stuff out and not sticking to tried and tested methods. All this time saving stuff is crap. Anyways if ye don't have champagne (after all we know tis only the students who can afford this- or think they can!) ye can use vodka. (I won't- I don't like Vodka- not after that xmas at me sisters. Nuff said). Or ye can use Gin if thee likes a drop of gin. If ye are piss poor ye can use cheap lager. Or if ye can't afford lager- water will do just as well.