Knicker Elastic, Big Chests and Dentists.

We are supposed to be going to the dentist today. Well I am. Mines Mr Husband doesn't do dentists. He think they just rips you off. However, he is very poorly so we might not be able to go because I still travel all the way to Burnham on Sea to the dentist. He says 'why don't ye get a dentist nearer to home?'. I do say to him 'cos they knows me teef up there they do- I been going there for twenty three years and I don't see the need to change'. He shakes his little nearly bald head. 'But t'is a new dentist now- she won't know ye teeth'. I pointed out that now she can have the pleasure of getting to know them one by one. He shud be thankful I don't still go to the dentist in Leicester. But if he is poorly today as was yesterday we shall stay home. He complained of something heavy sitting on his chest all day yesterday. 'My chest is heavy' he complained. 'Welcome to mines feckin world', I said 'I bet that be that green monster thingy from the advert. You need CORVONIA' I sang loudly at him- just like Ainsley does. He did jump a little-his feet almost left the ground and his coffee nearly left his hand..... 'for feck sake woman, why did ye have to do that?'- 'Well' I said 'I be just checking it ain't your heart- now go take ye blood pressure'. He told me off before for making people jump. Like on holiday with the family size gateau from Iceland woman on the zebra crossing who was wearing her trousers at half mast to reveal the largest white undergarment (they can be purchased at camping continental- they was inside out I am guessing to get maximum use outta them- they don't come cheap that size I am guessing)- Bridget Jones eat your heart out. She stopped momentarily to get her breath on the crossing. I don't know what made me do it but I twanged her knicker elastic- T'was a much bigger reverberation than I expected and T'was a large sharp intake of breath and a forgetting of which end to breath out of it. She did the same. All I said was ' See thees got thee surrender knickers on today then flower'. I think it must have been the knicker elastic twanging back and smacking her arse that made her jump. Good job I was able to move quicker than her- and that was with me arferitis. Mines Mr Husband told me off for that 'leave people alone' he said. 'I told ye to behave on this holiday'. I did behave- honest- that was me being good!! T'was a good job mines little sister (the one with the issues and the day confusion) wasn't with me. She would have tweaked her nipples as well.  If I ain't about today tis because I am at the dentist. Also mines other husband (the one I am having a break from) is poorly too so I will seeing him today to jolly him up a bit. So if ye don't see I much don't forgot to tell all ye friends about me new book. Be good and if ye can't be good don't get caught.x