Nipples, Adult Stuff and Fifty Shades of Grey

Mines Mr Husband is going to buy me an exercise bike so that I can go and join in with this naked cycling day without leaving the house. He thinks it be safer for me nipples like this. He be afraid they will catch in the chain and I will go ass over tip over handlebars and cause chaos. Why didn't I know about this naked cycling lark before?Ye all been keepin it from me I reckon. Got thrown out of Argos because while I was waiting and waiting for me order wrecking ball came on the radio- thier choice of music not  mines fault! I stripped off and got a space hopper off the shelf. Then I got chucked out of Homebase next door- how the feck was I to know there wasn't supposed to be loo roll next to the loo in the bathroom. Went all round the shop with me drawers round me ankles shouting loo roll. Also loo wasn't plumbed in. Was that my fault? I don't feckin thinks so!!  Also went to Sainsburys. I was well behaved til I got to the checkout. It is here I usually have a bit of chocolate whilst waiting for the girl at the till to get a wriggle on and checkout me shopping. But now they have moved the chocolate and apparently it wasn't free 'help yourself because you could be waiitng a long time'. They have replaced the chocolate with colouring in books- and no pencils. Crap! So I coloured in a few with me lipstick. Then I found 'adult colouring in books'. Old lady next to me also expressed an interest. She thought, the same as I to be honest, that it would be based on fifty shades of grey only with colour. No it feckin wasn't. It was all flowers and stuff. Talk about miffed. Miffed we both was- good and proper. Where is the point on putting feckin 'adult' on the front if ain't really for adults? She kicked off and so did I. 'Don't start her off Mrs', said mines Mr Husband 'she don't need no encouragement'.  She said the only knob in sight was the manager and it was disgusting and false misrepresentation I had to agree. Anyways now we both banned but on the plus side I got a new friend! Be back laters to tell ye all bout the new neighbours of Cranbrook.