Cockles, Knickers and Goolies

Did you wake up a miserable fecker today? Or did you let him sleep? I am letting mine sleep. (Sulking I bet cos FLUF (fat little ugly fecker who steals promotions) is still there!!! If yer the miserable fecker take a look in the mirror at yerself. What is it that is getting on yer nerves today? Does the way your mother put yer hat rankle with thee. Is it perched like a cockle on a rock on top of yer head? Or did yer part yer hair in the wrong place today? Look up- I am talkin about yer hair on yer head- not yer legs. Or is that yer one of yer eyebrows off by mistake when yer cuts yer fringe (Or is that just me??). Stop- check- is yer knickers on back to front or inside out, or yer socks on the wrong feet? Tis all things that can cause a soul misery. Have yer just noticed the cat in the kitchen yer been talking to all morning is just yer handbag (No?- just me again then!). Well whatever tis, tis a beautiful sunny day and if yer have a touch of the piftics today get yer self out in that there sunshine. Take yer cat and yer handbag and yer sun cream and Uncle Tom Cobleys hole and enjoy the sunshine- for next week it be sure to be freezing yer arse off and blowing a goolie again.

Lost, Oddballs and Crablegs

I bet ye all wondering 'where is Bulldog clip Beth' (as seen on national tv) ? Well I will tell ye. I got a little green car now called 'The Pea' . I had a little trip out in the pea. I call it the pea cos when it be parked over road between the 4year old white van man and the 5year old white van man (he must be older cos he got a bigger van) my little car looks like a little pea in a sandwich. Anyways I went to seaside in Pea. I was worried in case I couldn't find my way home again. Mines Mr Husband said 'just ask someone pickle for directions home'. So I had a nice day walking along the beachy thingy and chatting to seagulls and oddballs. Collected a few shells, a pebble or two and a crabs leg. Then it was time to come home. I looked around the car park for someone to ask directions. I found an old person and his wife. I thought 'I bet he been about a bit, round the block a few times, so I will ask him'. So I went up to him and asked three times no less cos as it turned out his hearing aid was turned off 'do ye know the way home??' He said he did. So I said 'I will follow you then'. He nodded. So that it is what I did. I didn't think mines Mr Husbands suggestion would work but here I be. I followed the old person home. I must say tis good of them to make me a cucumber sandwich and a cuppa tea. And if you ask me there decor needs a bit of titivating- its a bit old peopleish. And if I am completely honest smells a bit of wee. They need ones of thems apricot and champagne flavour candles. But mines Mr Husband wouldn't let me buy one because he says it left my lips with a waxy feel.  Anyways I have no feckin idea how to get to mines skinny bitch house from here- I hope mines Mr Husband has managed to find something for his tea!!