Chest and Nuts Roasting By an Open Fire...........

You all be thinking I been quiet. Well not quite. I had been busy pushing my new book- SO IS THIS HEAVEN? Me, Elvis and Facebook. What ye means ye didn't know. Quick- get yerself to Amazon before January 5th and get yerself a copy half the price it will be in January. Free delivery if ye spends ten squids.  Ye won't be disappointed I tells ye.

Well we had a reasonable Christmas- although t'was true we had to travel yer, ther, and everywher.  At home 'twas just me and he. Roasting chest and nuts be an open fire. Singed bits all round. On the plus side Mines Mr Husband bought me a dick thing that I can talk into. This will come in handy when I am left alone when he goes to work.

Well according to my stars I was to have a frisky Christmas and a wonderful night with a lover. I thought Johnny Depp is coming round. Still waiting. Also I must say since I have had me lug holes cleared out I can hear so much better. I can hear her three doors down eating her Mr Husbands nuts now.

I waited for a parcel to be delivered Friday. Well three.. Yodel  brought one of them. They text me to say that they would be delivered before 9pm. Also there were 65 to be delivered before mine. I know I am no Carol Vorderman but I did some calculations and worked out that mine would be 66th. They have to deliver a parcel every three minutes according to mines Muvver. And she knows this stuff. She watches a lot of telly. I did some more calculations and this means mine would be delivered sometime later precisely. Yay- I had time to go to the loo without worrying that that will be the precise time he would knock the door. I do like a poop in peace. I also worked out that there should have been three delivery men. However, there were only two. So there is a space under me stairs still going begging..............

They got a Christmas tree by the shops here in Crankbrook. I did see it I did when I when I went to the Co-op. It has lots of presents round the bottom. Well I mean it HAD lots of presents round the bottom of it. On a different note I am happy. I got lots of presents for Christmas this year for myself.

I wonder why they never had any decorations on that tree. I bet some fecker stole them.

I seen all my lovely children. Mines Girl bought us something to share. A necklace and ear rings set. Mines Mr Husband is having the ear rings. I am going to pierce is nipples when he is asleep. If ye wonders what else happens to his nipples when he is asleep ye needs to buy my book so ye do.

Also her over the road trimmed up her bush with fairy lights. 'Twas all twinkly all over the festive period. And her down by muvvers she went and done her bush up to look like a xmas pudding. 'Tis true- me muvver took a picture of it. I do hope she don't going pouring brandy on it and setting it alight. 'Tis not good to have a burning bush. I had that once. The Doctor had to give me some cream for it.

I am going to do something nice with my bush next year.

Anyways me ol' cockers hopes ye all haves a nice 2017 and I can bring me little adventures to you all the time. Ye will all like that.

SO IS THIS HEAVEN?

HERE IT IS GUYS

You can buy the new Kindle edition of my new book SO IS THIS HEAVEN at an Amazon near you.

You can read it on any device, phone, tablet or pc if you download the FREE kindle app from Google Play Store.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/SO-THIS-HEAVEN-Elvis-Facebook-ebook/dp/B01N2SHA9M/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1481488908&sr=8-2&keywords=elisabeth+lucas


Don't forget to leave reviews and tell all your friends.



Much love to you all 

Mad Beth

YAY- GO ME!!!!

New Books, Elvis and Fetishes.

Ye all be wondering what been happening here I bet. I am wondering how that woman on the Ikea advert copes with a kid with a lamp fetish. No wonder she gotta work all hours- I bet her lamp and electric bill is massive.

Also I been very busy with my new book, SO IS THIS HEAVEN? Me, Elvis and Facebook. Up and down on Kindle faster than a whore's drawers or a brides nightie.

So we are here just waiting now for the edited Kindle version to go live and the paperbook to be reviewed.

As soon as we have news that it is ready for buying I will tell ye.

This is the synopsis:

Clementine, an avid Elvis fan is celebrating her 50th birthday. She has balloons, she has trifle, she has chocolate cake. And Party Poppers.

She is also at home. Alone.

Then tragedy strikes. Singing at the top of her voice she chokes on a party popper. She could never distinguish between sucking and blowing so Hector her husband always said. Now she is dead. Hector comes home to find her lying on the kitchen floor- naked and covered in chocolate and very dead.  

Her death raises so many questions.

·     Will she ever get to Heaven?

·     Will she meet Elvis for a sing a long?

·     Will she ever get a harp?

·     Will she ever find the cloud with the Philadelphia Cheese and Crackers?

Follow Clementine on her hilarious spirit adventures as she struggles with leaving her husband Hector on earth with her Elvis CDs and her Marmite.

It can only lead to one thing...... Side splitting Laughs and Ghostly Goings On.....................

 So if you want to go on this adventure with Clementine make a note to watch out for it on an Amazon near you. You will be able to buy it for a special price between now and New Year when the price will be much more. And please, please leave me a review if you do.