Polished Uterus, Missing Ovaries and Easter Gin.

I been up the lady hospital today. I was having a few problems so I was.If ye are a man or a bit squeamish ye may want to put yer fingers in yer ears. First Doctor poked around then declared she was perplexed because she couldn't locate the uterus. I said 'If ye read the notes ye would see I don't have one'. 'Oh' she said 'What happened to it?'. I tells her 'I takes it out for polishing on a Sunday, the phone rings, I puts it down and then when I goes to get it what da ya know Mines Mr Husband has feckin tidied up and its never to be seen again'. She said 'That explains the lack of ovaries then'. I said 'Ye gods ye ain't so good at the note reading thing are ye? Read the notes. I kept thems little feckers  for a rainy day'. Ye never knows when ye are going to be needing an ovary. She says ovaries without a uterus just floats around all over the shop. Anyways she still can't find them. I tells 'You need to look in me ears me dear, ye shall surely see them then, that's how Dr Anderson located them a few years back'. Tis true he did. I told him I had the earache and he looked in and asked 'When you had your uterus removed did you keep your ovaries? ' I was up and outta that chair. He could see them I am sure. Anyways this doctor woman kept looking for me ovaries and sure as eggs is eggs (preferably unfertilised because I don't have a uterus)- well she still couldn't find them. So if anyone finds a couple of ovaries floating around- they be mine. Then the Dr had a look- she was of foreign extraction- she said she could see me sister. I said 'oh me giddy goats trousers on toast- I don't have a feckin sister- I am an only child me'. She said 'no- I said you have a cist here'. She declared I have a 'perfect cervix that has never had children'- So I am childless it seems. Has anyone told my kids this? Also she said 'You am now no longer menopausal'- well that was feckin quick I must say- I only started that.  'Look yer', I said 'I was enjoying that and now I have no defence if I strangles anyone. Or shoplifts. Or gets naked in the freezer in Tesco. Or flashes me boobies without as much as thought. Anyways she says 'you haven't got enough easter gin' and she gived me easter gin. I gived it back. I told her I am strictly a Baileys girl. No easter gin in this house!  So all good here ladies. (And gentlemen who are not squeamish).