Hot Flesh, A Jar of Farts and Three Men in A Tub.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my lovely faithful followers. For regular updates you can find me on facebook. https://www.facebook.com/the.sex.kitten1

So here's how 2018 started in Beth and Elvis and Bobs world. So far so good!

FRIDAY; Got up in the night to find three naked men squashed in my bath telling me they had moved in and I would just have to suck it up buttercup. Suck something up anyway. 'Rubadubdub, three men in a tub'- I thought me luck was changing. Then I looked a bit closer and I thought 'well two of them ain't too bad- I guess I can live with them'. One was a bit ropey to be honest but I didn't think I would be able extricate him from that tangle of hot flesh in the middle of the night. Went back to bed and thought nothing of it until I got up this morning and went to check on them-quite excited I was too. Well bugger me if they hadn't all got up and moved out again without as much as a goodbye and thank you for the hospitality. How Rude. That's the last time I leave the front door open at bedtime! And certainly the last time I let three men in my bath at the same time......or maybe not.

SATURDAY:Sometimes its not until you do family history you realise the close links between you all in profession. For instance, Mines Mr Husband's great grandfather was a gas collector. Yes he was the very person Christine Aquliaria wrote that song about- collecting a jar of farts. Now mines Mr Husband is also in the gas industry- (he does this alongside his job at the airport- before, during and after). He doesn't so much collect gas as he distributes it. Generously so too. If you should ever happen to be in his company you just keep your ears and nostrils alert and you may be witness to his generosity!!!

WEDNESDAY; According to mines Mr Husband you check the pulse to see if you are still alive. Or anyone else. He showed me how to do it. I do have it in one arm. Whoohoo. He also said that you have a pulse in your groin and in your throat. So when he caught me with hands round me sisters throat I told him I was checking her pulse. He seemed to believe that. He even seemed to encourage me. However, when he caught me with me hands down the postman's trousers he was less understanding. Really I did think that postman didn't look well! I was only doing the man a good turn!

MONDAY:I chipped a tooth on a hard pear over this holiday. It just goes to prove that fruit is bad for you. A New Years Beths Top Tit- stick to cake and maltesers. Can't go far wrong with that. I have never chipped a tooth on cake or chocolate!

 TUESDAY: I have been laid awake all night listening the wind howling and booming against my window. Thats the last time I let Mines Mr Husband eat so many veg in one sitting. Also the last time I let him sleep in my bed. Or near the window!

SUNDAY: Ye are probably all thinking Beth be very quiet today. She probably got a big bag of chocolates for breakfast. I have as well. How do ye know that? Can't keep nuffin to meself. Anyways me and Bob and Elvis been on a trip to Morrisons. 4 minutes exactly it takes to get there from our house. I timed it. I even shopped without incident. Apart from the fannying about old woman who dogged me all the way round. She is in the cold store out the back now. That will be a nice surprise for someone when they go to stock up on frozen fish fingers. Anyways it took me 3 hours to get home. Bob and Elvis went on a jolly. 'This way' I am saying 'I am sure it's this way'. They are saying 'No, it's this way'.  'It's Way O Down' Elvis Kept singing. They tricked me. Did you know, basically Tiverton is one massive circle? Until you get on the motorway. Tis just one straight line is that. Do bundle up if you go outside. Tis frightfully cold out there! And do watch out for comatose iguanas falling from trees. It could be fatal for ye.

FINAL THOUGHT: Also has anyone else ever shopped in an empty aisle not because its empty or because they needed something but just because the aisle looked lonely and they felt sorry for it? Just me then!