Balls, Boobies and Free Chocolate

So it seems the apology issued yesterday was not quite enough to appease mines Mr Husband and he still says that until I can behave I cannot go again. So more apologies go to:

All the people I terrified who left the water when I stood in the sea shouting 'Shark, Shark- run for your lives' - apparently it was not the shouting that was that problem - it was mines emptying the fake blood into the sea that caused the panic- so sorry about that folks- twice (because I did it twice!but it was fun).

I have to say sorry to the sea worldy place for standing and arguing with the assistant and insisting that they change the description of the white shark to grey because strictly speaking they are grey. Apparently it is not misrepresentation because they have been officially named as white sharks. Tis a big fat lie I tell ye. They are grey. And I suppose I shouldn't have pushed ye into the tank with they buggers cos you did get a nasty ol' nip from one- ye should have just taken my complaint on board and not argued back. Could have save yeself a mass of trouble and ye wouldn't have a chunk missing from ye arse.

To ye olde organ grinder - I am sorry I ground your organ so hard- but twerking be all the rage now. Also I thought ye would like to know your little cappuccino monkey has fitted in nicely with me snow leopards and me wonkey donkeys.

I am sorry to all the shoppers in the supermarket who got arrested because I told ye the chocolate was free today. Did ye not think it was a bit strange that I be standing there with me knickers on me head giving away Dime bars?

To ye man with a funny walk- I only asked if ye sand in crack or if ye had caught any crabs because I was concerned for ye. I wasn't being nosy- honest. There was no need for that language.

To ye olde man that was singing on the promenade- I suppose I shouldn't have that microphone so far up ye arse but ye really was an insult to crooners all world over- ye more like an old croaker. I apologise to the paramedics who had to remove said microphone. Also to ye bit younger man who was singing and said he had been on the X Factor- I told ye I had been on X Factor. I was mistaken. I checked with mines Mr Husband- it was the Max Factor not the X Factor. (BTW your singing is crap which is why ye are now singing on the prom in Torquay and not the stage at the O2 arena.)

To the woman with the nuclear dress - I shouldn't have offered mines Mr Husband to help ye put ye boobies back in- but he is expert with boobies and nipples so he is! How was we supposed to know you had chosen that look especially for the beach.

And finally to ye man who owned the little shop that sold buckets and spades- I am sorry I bounced all ye balls down ye road there- and I am sorry you got hit by the bus trying to retrieve them- but t'was fun wasn't it? If ye like I could visit in ye hospital- (provided it not be in one I be banned from).