Smurfs and Blue Boobies

Oh ye Gods. I have had the fright of mines life! Mines Mr Husband is goodly soul (goodly- not godly) so he kindly ran me a nice bath with epsom salts to ease my cramp and give me magnesium (tis true we need this in our bodies). I took my lovely new dress off and sunk into my loverly hot bath (because bathing with ones clothes on is plain stupidity- unless ye are pushed in then thats different!). I had a little soak and then I opened my eyes and oh my days my body was going blue. Mine hands and arms was blue, mine knees was blue and so was mines boobies (which reside somewhere near mines knees these days!). I lifted mines arms and underneath was blue. I gasped! Then I panicked. 'Come quickly Mines Mr Husband, come quickly- I am turning into a smurf- call the 999 peoples'. He came quickly (just like a man). 'what is the matter mines little fruitcake? Why all the panic and shouting'. I could have sworn I had told him already. 'Oh Lordy Lordy - I am turning into a smurf. Look at mines blue hands. Look at my blue knees and boobies. And look under mines arms'. He looked. 'You look fine to me', he said - 'you are not turning into a smurf- you are not blue'. I Showed him my wash cloth. 'There you go ' he said 'it's not blue, tis green- tis the dye is running out of your wash cloth'. I looked at my wash cloth 'you feckin eejit' I said 'the wash cloth was white when I got in the bath- we only have white'. We argued back and forth and he wouldn't call the 999 peoples. He said that turning blue or green or any other colour is not an emergency. (I think there is an argument for that somewhere in my little book of emergencies!). Then he said 'tis off your new frock fruitcake- tis the dye'- I thought about this slightly before saying 'But mines new dress is yellow'. Then he started the argument that the new dress is green. 'Ye is colour blind ye daft sod' I said. Anyways I have checked the dress- I could have sworn I have been wearing a yellow dress all day- but tis a bluey green. Think I should have washed it first perhaps! Anyways I have got some of the blue off but I dare not go out for a few days in case I be mistaked for a smurf and added to a collection on a shelf somewhere!