My mate Dave, BJ, and Elvis

A few months ago I filled in a survey on what I thought of the Conservatives policies. Fair do's. I don't mind giving me two penneth and I ain't got much else to do have I? Anyways ever since I been getting emails from Dave himself inviting me to his party. I think he really likes me and we are getting well friendly. So I have decided to write back and accept his invite.
Alright Dave me ol' mate?,
I feel I can call you mate now seeing as how we been getting to know each other a bit better of late- due to all the emails and invites you been sending me. You are very good with the little heart moticons things aren't you? Anyway I have thought about it and I accept your invitation to come to the party- as long as there is jelly, cake and sherry trifle, balloons, party string and pass the parcel. (Please check the parcel carefully for explosives before I get there). I am supposing you want me to come because you know what fun I am at a party but I must warn you I do strip so I do not want any policemans there to arrest me or call me a naked pleb. Also I do like a certain type of music- I like Wrecking Ball and I do a bit of a party trick with one of them. You will like that. A space hopper will do if you can't get a wrecking ball or you are worried about your antiques (like some of them old peers you have there). But I will be careful. Promise. You know what one of thems is don't you? A promise. You make them just before an erection. I think that's what mines Mr Husband says. My promise will be as good as yours. Promise. Also I do like a bit of Elvis karaoke but I don't wanna see any of they old geezers squeezed into white suits with black wigs. I know what they old geezers are like for dressing up and wearing wigs especially at your parties. I have seen them on the telly whilst they been in your big house- the one with all the green and red seats. Also I don't want to see anyone in a white suit of any sort (they make me nervous). I don't want cheap booze or food either, none of that Lidl crap. I only like Tesco stuff Ok? Oh and I don't wanna a do agadoo either. Its outdated. Its all about wrecking balls these days.
I wondered also if you could send a car for me- not a white one with yellow lines and blue lights like they keep sending to me here either. If not send me the address and the post code and I will get me brother in law to give me a lift- he got one of they thems sat navs you know.
Will the funny chap with the blonde wig be there? I think he calls himself a clown or a mayor or something. He's a right laugh he is. I like him. I hope he is there. If you haven't invited him yet don't forget to ask him. Tell him I will be there. Also If there are very many old peoples there you might like to have a first aider there because some of them tend to have a stroke when I flash past naked. The last party I went to like this, two old men had a stroke and the other missed and hit the floor a bit hard and needed stitches.
Finally it might be a good idea to get the kids a babysitter for the night, you don't want them to be traumatised by my naked dancing. (But do try and remember who you leave them with mate, cos to be honest you aren't very good with this part of being a dad are you and it don't look good do it.) And no politics- I don't want a waste a good party talking politics.
Lots of love
Your mate BizzyLizzie
P.S.Just remembered the blond chap- Boris I think they call him- but I think thats not his real name. Do you mind if I call him BJ for short. (Big John!)