Treats, Quality Sausage and Whipping my Nae Nae.

Mines Mr Husband took me up the muff for a treat. We had a quality sausage up the café. You know how I feel about quality sausage. Never have anything less. Also tis a nice Café. Posh. The first thing you see is when you open the door is the best cake on the planet. Well the best cake up the muff. Mines Mr Husband made me sit right up the back of the café so I wouldn’t drool over the cake. He told me I had to eat all my sausage before I could have cake. I sat there still looking at all the peoples all down the café (tis a long café). I was worried they would eat all the cake before I had finished partaking of my quality sausage. So when Mines Mr Husband left me unattended for a minute or two I stripped off, climbed on the table, grabbed the nearest light fitting and swang through the café singing wrecking ball. The café cleared in seconds apart from the old geezer in the corner. He tried to have a stroke. I was just getting round to whipping me nae nae and who should appear to piss on me beans but Mr Husband himself. He was cross and said I couldn’t have cake if I didn’t come down. In the end we struck a deal- I would only come down if I got cake. He had to relent and  I had a cake that had icing and inch thick and I am still on the ceiling. I am typing this with my nose.

Anniversary Surprise and White Sharks

Mines Mr Husband: ‘What are you doing pickled pudding?’

ME: ‘Writing down some ideas for Wedding Anniversary surprise for mines muvver and favver. They need cheering up’.

MMH: ‘Let me see’. (Takes my list only yet half done)…. ‘Mmm- I am not sure about this list’ then he starts to read it back- like I didn’t know what I had written but then he put a question mark into all the suggestions:

Wing Walking? Parachute Jump? White water Rafting? Abseiling or bungee jumping (ask their preference)? Sky diving? Segway rally? (ask about dodgy hips) Power boat thrill? Extreme dodgems? Snowboarding? Roll them down a hill in a big see through ball? (Posh people call it zorbitting), Race car thrill?’ He then says ‘Well you just take them for a drive – that will do it’- then he got to the bit Swimming with white sharks and he gasped. ‘Swimming with white sharks? What made you think of that? Do you really, really think they would want to do that? Really?’ I tells him ‘well they liked it at Tropiquaria a couple of years back’. He said ‘Well they didn’t swim with white sharks there and all the fish and whatnot were behind glass in big tanks. They didn’t get in and swim did they?’ I said ‘well, no, tis true but mines favver put his hand in the ‘experience the sea pond thingy’ and touched a star fish’. He said it was hardly the same thing (I beg to differ) and was dangerous. I said ‘mines muvver and mines favver live for danger’. He said ‘I don’t think so- what are you trying to do- wasn’t giving them your deadly flu enough?’. I said ‘I think you will find you gave them your deadly flu!’. He said ‘I think some flowers and chocolates would be better and safer whilst your mum is waiting for her heart thingy’. See what I mean about him. Now he wants to piss on their cornflakes as well.