The Eclipse and the Colander

That man on the news in Newquay said we needed a travel colander to see the eclipse - (note to self: must get travel colander in order to strain peas on the go), so Friday morning I set off. I ran round like a loon. 'It's the eclipse', I shouted all excited at MMH. He looked sleepy but he usually likes to get up to see what I am up to now. (The devil also stirs at this point- when I open my eyes). I ran down the stairs and grabbed my non travelling colander and me kitchen devil just in case the sun didn't reappear and I needed to sacrifice someone to appease the Gods. MMH was right down the stairs behind me. 'Oh no, what you doing now?' he asked- he sounded somewhat exasperated but he often does. 'I am going to see the eclipse- the best place is Newquay and I have no time to lose'. Mines husband shouted after me 'ye can't go out like that'. I looked down- I had me socks on (although there be no time for orgasms today), I had me teeth in. No time to worry about me mittens and I didn't need me hat today. I had me colander and me kitchen devil. He thrust me camera into me other hand and off I ran. I didn't get far though. Feckin policemans stopped me at the roundabout. Me own fault because I procrastinated at the roundabout and it's against the law on a roundabout. Then I went round it the wrong way. Uh oh. That was when I ran into the policemans. He wanted to know where I was going - he told me 'you again- you broke the law again. Going round the roundabout the wrong way'. At least I didn't take the car with me!  No matter he said - twas still against the law and I was still in trouble and then he said 'Is that a kitchen devil in your hand?' It was indeed I told him. 'Where de ye get it?'. The impertinence of some policemans. 'Amazon, £2.99. Cheap at half the price'. I told him. He wrote that down. Said he would make a note for Mrs Policemans. 'I suppose you are going to tell me off for coming out without me clothes' I said, 'but this time I am in a hurry to see the eclipse'.

'You and every other fecker on the planet' he said. 'I am arresting you and taking you to the station'. So please guys, sorry about this but I need bail money fast. I am supposed to be going on holiday today for adventures. And just so you know- apparently its against the law to wear ones colander on ones head back to front- it obscures your vision and strains your eyes!