Often when my husband goes out alone he brings me back a
little something nice to cheer me up or simply because he loves me. I don't go
out often my own because for one thing I don't have a car and secondly I can't
walk far (dodgy hip thing) and thirdly there are no shops, it's all country
side and MMH worries about the traffic, strangers and the potential rape murder
thing. No matter how many times I tell him I won't rape or murder anyone and
when I cross the road I do my green cross code! And as for stranger danger I
don't see anyone to be a danger to. On top of all this I don't have any money.
Well when I say I don't have any money I do have a pound (ssh I found it when
it fell out of MMH jeans one day when I did the laundry- finders keepers and
all that). I won't spend it in case I have an emergency - then I can buy a bar
of chocolate with it. You can face any emergency with chocolate and a nice
cuppa Yorkshire Tea. Yesterday I went for a walk to the post box - not to
admire the post box you understand- I did have a letter to post. I am not that
odd. I thought wouldn't it be nice if I could take a present back for MMH.
Because I love him, not because he needs cheering up. That takes much more
skill- one that only I seem to possess. But having no shops and no money I
thought all would be lost. I didn't want to go far because I didn't have shoes
on. Then as luck would have it I spied a dead bird. Prayers answered. So I
brought that back for him. I have brought back things from other walks when I
have been in the countryside. He now has a nice collection : bunch of snowdrops
(dead), some interesting rotted leaves and a feather, a nice round shiny hub
cap (thought he would be pleased with this because first Mr Husband would have
been over the moon with this - I thought all men liked stray hub caps), an
empty cd case (with dodgy hinge), a size 11 trainer (no lace) and now he has
two dead birds (found him one the other day and I think the one I found
yesterday was the other of the pair). When he brings me chocolate I think I
show sufficient gratitude in one way or another .......... Did he show me any
gratitude for rooting around in hedgerows and ditches for him to bring him said
selection of gifts? No he feckin didn't. He said ' For chuffin hells sake
woman, what are ye? A Jack Russell? Stop bringing back dead birds and other
such rubbish'. I was hurt. Cut to the quick I was. It's been a long tradition
in our family to collect stuff- well it said on the census my ancestors were
scavengers but I think that word is too strong. Collectors of interesting artefacts
is a much nicer term. Anyways I shan't be bringing anymore gifts to him that I
have collected on walks. He can fetch his own feckin dead birds from now on!
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