Spank me very much...............

Well it has been sure nice today not to have to rush around doing stuff at the old house. I only had to go for an x-ray on me poor old spine - that feckin woman poked my hips 'trying to find them'. I told her they was under a layer of cake- it can't be helped- cake is soooo nice. Also the ironing board shaped woman next door has painted her fence in pastel colour stripes. It looks like a block of neopolitan icecream and you know me and ice cream guys- I just couldn't resist a lick. Now she is telling the other neighbours that I am a bit odd- cheeky wench! She is the odd one painting her fence to look like ice cream. Also I am not sure moving to a house with sooo many loos is a good idea. I keep struggling up the stairs (because thats how it be for me now)- then getting to bathroom and then mines Mr Husband shouts if I am alright and what am I doing. Then I tell him 'It be ok, I am just coming up for a wee'. Then he says 'Why the feck don't use the downstairs loo?'. Bugger, Bugger, Bugger. I forgot. Also by then I have passed another one.. I did just the same tonight and then I couldn't get out because the lock jammed. I don't mind telling ye I was all of a panick. I yelled for mines Mr Husband ' Fire, fire', I shouted. He came running up the stairs with his hose in his hand. 'Where is the fire mines wife'. I had to admit there wasn't one. 'There isn't one but I wanted you to hurry. I be locked in the lavatory and I be afraid of being here from Monday til Saturday and I be about to have a major panic attack'. He fought with the lock from t'other side- Remember how they used to open with a penny? Now its a £2 coin that does the job. That be inflation that be. Mines Mr Husband don't be carrying cash (so don't be bothering to rob him)- but he used a key to get me free. 'My hero', I said. 'My cuckoo, everso slightly de-ranged wife'- he said. 'Why the feckin hell did ye lock the door?'. 'Have ye not heard of privacy?' I asked. 'Don't be locking the door again when ye go for a wee'- he chastised, 'and use the loo down stairs'. So Beth Anne, that's wrists slapped and ears burnt. That be me told!! I bent forward 'May as well slap me arse', I said- 'please'. Well there be no harm in trying!! Tomorrow is another day and I wish I was on holiday with little sister (the one with the issues)- then I may be able to have some fun!